LET THE ONE-WAY PISSING CONTEST BEGIN! I know I started this fiasco, and I have worked tirelessly to keep us in a holding pattern. My backsliding has been minimal. Unfortunatley, my wife isn't backsliding. She'd have to turn around to do that. Her purposely hurtful behavior I'll call FRONTsliding or going the direction she is intending. I know, I know. I am the one who opened up this can of worms (rattlesnakes?) on my M and S. I am looking to the DB community for continuring comments of support and direction.
On my last post I stated that I was UNinvited to a Mother's Day activity with my W and her family. I was also UNinvited from our friends' D's Bday party, then re-invited, and now UNinvited again. The good news is that this vascillating just began yesterday at the 3 month mark of our separation. It could have been much worse up 'til now, right?
Anyway, I am hurt, but philosophical at this point. I often sense that my S is pissed that I won't take the bait and have it our with her. Instead, I have just been agreeable, helpful, gently assertive and a FANTASTICfather. I know that when she is in her most irrational mind she wishes I was a deadbeat, terrible father. Thankfully, those thoughts don't last long b/c when she is in her right mind I KNOW that she confesses that she and our children are lucky to have such a wonderful, loving, caring, doting father. OK, back to the story, got sidetracked patting myself on the back.
I have honored her request for me not to attend the party and have called the little one to wish the little one a happy Bday. My W has a right to call the shots in her life and, though that does affect me,it is her right nonetheless. I don't want to make matters any worse than they already are by being jerky.
As I previously stated, the only thing I can do for my sitch is DB at this point and THAT, to me, means DO NOT turn her slow walk to a D into a full-scale sprint. I am exercising patience I never new I had. I am counting on the old adage, "Time heals all wounds." Most of my friends/family are tired of listening to my sitch b/c I won't just give up on my W and M and move on. =p I am unwilling to do that b/c my W is MY W and my M is MY M, and no one else's (but my W's, of course).
Many in my life think I am being stubborn, delusional and stupid. Perhaps. I like to think of me as the Hopeful_Husband. In the past couple of days I have whittled down the # of peeps that I am willing to burden with my saga. I don't want to see/hear/feel others' disappointment and disapproval with my chosen path to DB my marriage.
I remind myself that both my S and I deserve patience, kindness, love, honesty and respect. And, since right now my W cannot reciprocate, I will give those things to her and to myself. I will affirm what I see as the best possible outcome and I will affirm that daily. I will WILL that outcome to be true.
My achievement will be the attainment of a fulfilling, loving marriage.
You make up your mind before you start that sacfifice is part of the package. -Richard M. DeVos (achievement)
I am sacrificing my own impatient, judgemental ways. Every day I work to live my life a little bit getter than the day before. I am not trying to be perfect. I am striving to improve daily. I stay in the process. I practice because with practice comes mastery of a new skill. I am persistent. I acknowledge my progress. Failure is NOT an option. I congratulate myself for how far I have come. I don't chastise myself for how far I still have to go.
I focus on my goal. To save my M and preserve my family structure. I also know, that despite my best efforts to attone for my A, my W has the ultimate vote. But, I don't fear failure. As Claude M. Bristol said:
To win...you've got to stay in the game. I am staying in the game.
Also, I believe:
The only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and the faith to believe tht it is possible. -Richard M. De Vos I believe in miracles and I believe my M will survive.
Well, that's it for me for now. As you can see I love inspirational quotes. They help me to keep on keepin' on. STRENGTH AND HONOR! i keep in mind to Never Quit!
father. I know that when she is in her most irrational mind she wishes I was a deadbeat, terrible father. Thankfully, those thoughts don't last long b/c when she is in her right mind I KNOW that she confesses that she and our children are lucky to have such a wonderful, loving, caring, doting father. OK, back to the story, got sidetracked patting myself on the back. 
In the past couple of days I have whittled down the # of peeps that I am willing to burden with my saga. I don't want to see/hear/feel others' disappointment and disapproval with my chosen path to DB my marriage.
