In my last post I stated that I did not jump when my W said to jump tonight and I think it really pissed her off. When I called this evening to tell my lovely D goodnight, I could hear my S sniping at our D to keep eating and to get off the phone. I call my D every morning before school to say good morning, tell her I love her and to tell her to have a wonderful day. I also call her every evening to tell her I love her, to find out about her day and to tell her to have sweet dreams. It seems to make my W bristle.
Anyway, I was informed today that I was UNinvited to celebrate Mother's Day with my W, our children, and my MIL and the rest of my W's family. I was sad, but said OK.
My wife also mentioned that our D was going to a birthday party on Sat. I asked if the party was for our friends' D's party and it was. I asked my wife (since she receives the invitations at the house and she had made no previous mention of it to me) if she had decided that I was NOT invited. She went silent for a moment and then asked me if I would have wanted to go. (She is acting so awfully towards me, I sometimes struggle to pe patient and kind, but I force myself to be a good man.) I said yes, you know I am very fond of that family. She then asked me to come early to te house to help her out b/c she had double booked herself. I said sure.
I asked her if there was a reason that I was suddenly UNinvited to the Mother's Day affair (no pun intended) OR if she just wanted to leave it as "she just changed her mind." She said she thought it best to leave it as se changed her mind. I said OK. THEN, my wheels started spinning and I was thinking all kinds of thoughts b/c I know she is out dating. I was finally able to calm those thoughts b/c I reminded mysself I have NO control over her actions. I just decided that, OK, she just changed her mind. She's probably just mad at me and I can live with that. I don't need to do any crazymaking in my head. With regard to her behavior, what I don't know, for the most part, won't hurt me. Plus, I am really good at makkng up worst case scenario things in my head. So I try to just say STOP! Allowing crazy thoughts to rattle around in my head is the worst thing I can do to myself. My life is crazy enough and I don't want to give my W any more power over my emotions than she already has.
Later, she left me a message tonight that I owe her some $$$ b/c she paid my credit card bill. I tried to call her back, but no answer. Again, my wheels started spinning and I was thinking all kinds of thoughts again. What is she doing? With whom? I was again able to get ahold of my mind and quell any not-so-smart thoughts of going over there late this evening and/or EARLY tomorrow morning. Nope, I be there at noon like she asked. I have been very successful in not going down cheeseless tunnels so I don't end up looking like and feeling like a dumb a$$.
Well, this sight and DB + DR have helped me immensely to douse the flames that flare up when I am want to control a situation, and I'v wanted to control this situation more than I can ever tell you. I have been able to save face in the wake of my A by behaving like a rational, civilized gentleman NOT a lunatic. Sometimes, my old self is dying to come out and react forcefully (destructively), but I keep that ogre in check. I am actually amazed at the restraint I have whown in dealing with the my W's behavior in the wake of my A. I am quite impressed with me.
I always remind myself that I owe my W patience, love, kindness, respect and honesty. That helps me keep me in check. I know that I am DBing by NOT getting my W out of her slow walk to a D and into a full sprint. In other words, right now I am DBing by not exhaserbating the situon in our already fragile M. I know I can make everything much worse in a heartbeat. One more thing that helps me to STOP my crazymaking is to remind myslef that I am NOT the center of my W's universe. What is making upset is likely NOT me. Hmmm...fancy that.
In closing, thank you all for being the support I need. Being able to come on here and vent plus being able to read responses is very soothing and nurturing to my psyche and my PMA. Having the ability to vent here diminishes my need to vent to my W and my friend/family. My family/friends are tired of listening to me. And I am tired of the fact that the payment required for me to get their support is that I must to listen to their UN-PRO-marriage talk. They mean well. I just keep in mind that they are not married to my S and they are not going to be getting THIS divorce, I am. And, if I follow their well-meaning advice I will make the D I don't want a reality. Again, TY Goodnight.
