I am such a codependent! I am really working hard to deal with the fact that my W is convinced that she needs to D me. Unfortunately (or is it fortunately?), I am not there and my feelings are very fragile. Because of my love for and codependency on my W, every move she makes seriously hurts my self esteem (whether she is doing it on purpose or not). My PMA and my sense that I am doing the right thing in holding on is taking a beating. THEN I look up at the Serinity Prayer on my desk with the line Amy sent to me:
Quote: God grant me the courage not to give up on what I think is right even though I think it is hopeless.
My rocks are here, on this site. When I log in, my spirit is nourished, my courage is bolstered, my fear disipates, and my determination in continuing to persevere in fighting the good fight is affirmed. What a wonderful site this is! What wonderful people it is populated by!!
F alse E vidence A ppearing R eal A friend of mine told me that acronym is appropo for my feelings about my wife right now. I have a lot of fear and tend to mind read, which is never a positive step.
Despite my best efforts, I have a long way to go to STOP reading anything into my interactions with and observations of my W. I continually throm myself under the bus. Not good for my MA.
I read a quote today about goals.
Quote: There is one quality which one must possess to win, and that is definiteness of purpose; the knowledge of what one wants, and the burning desire to possess it.
My definiteness of purpose is to repair my M and preserve my family structure despite my W's reluctance and pessimism. I have a burning desire to be successful in this endeavor. Very few people in my personal life identify with my stamina and determination to still put my W and my family first. I keep STRENGTH AND HONOR! at the forefront of my mind to keep my faith and stay the course.
I offer some quotes that best capture my definition of faith. Perhaps others will benefit from them, as I have:
Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservations.- Elton Trueblood
Man knows much more than he understands.- Alfred Adler
Some things have to be believed to be seen.- Ralph Hodgson
Faith is to believe what we do not see; and the reward of this faith is to see what we believe.- Saint Augustine
Faith is different from proof; the latter is human, the former is a gift from God.- Blaise Pascal
and lastly You don't need an explanation for everything. Recognize that there are such things as miracles- events for which there are no ready explanations. Later knowledge may explain those events quite easily.- Harry Browne
Heck, I feel much better than I did before I started this post. This is how I do my wokr on my PMA. Works for me. I hope this post is helpful to all of you. Thanks.
