Quote: Don't talk to her about your M. Don't tell her you still have hope, that puts pressure on her and she does not need to hear it from you, she knows.
...and I need to be reminded of that by those of you who care for my and my sitch. Thanks, GH.
I also am glad Amy and OT are with me. I will certainly follow their and your advice to give me a head start in hopefully repairing the possibility of reconciling/rebuilding my M. Time, prayers, and patience will tell. A LOT of patience, mind you.
Thank you again, Amy. I WILL re-read my thread to keep me focused on what is most important: raising 2 beautiful, happy, healthy and whole children despite the tough circumstances that I created. Makes me so sad. Sad, but determined, to do all I can to make it right.
We will make it fine together though. We are just in the beginning stages of a long, dark tunnel. I know that tunnel opens up to beautiful daylight and things will be fine when we emerge. Things will be different, but fine, nonetheless.
Also, I will make sure I am happy, healthy and whole because that is what I and my children deserve. Go, fight, win!!
You obviously have a rough road ahead, but your focus on what is important is what counts. I myself have three gorgeous D's and that has helped me stay the course more than anything at this point. Fortunately, I beleive a lot of progress has been made in my sitch, but I still see a lot of work ahead. Too me, you sound like a very grounded person who has a great PMA and the ability to do what is necessary for you and your children.
Something else to add here, I also was on the other side of the fence about two years ago....somewhere in here I have a thread (if I can find it again I will link it) so I definitely have some insight into what you are going through right now, although my W at the time really never expressed a desire to D and we reconciled, although given my current sitch, we failed to address our basic underlying issues. But enough about me....
Keep us posted and good luck.
Last edited by PArob; 05/08/0606:53 PM.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
TY, my friend. I focus on my beautiful children. Congratulations on your 3 beautiful princesses. I keep in mnid that my children are the innocents. THEY didn't ask to be brought into this world, THEY didn't get married, THEY didn't cheat.... They deserve our love, above anything else.
BTW, if you could find your thread and link it, I would be very appreciative. On my front, I keep fighting the good fight, even though I must fight it alone. Most everybody who cares about me tells me to give it up. But, I am not crazy. I love my W and I desire to reconicile and rebuild my M and to keep my family together. I work on keeping my STRENGTH AND HONOR!! Thanks again, Rob. Please send me any positive thoughts and prayers you can spare.
Quote: On my front, I keep fighting the good fight, even though I must fight it alone.
Silly. You are not fighting alone. When you make a stand for something that is right (and fighting for your marriage IS right) all the power in Heaven is behind you...and guess Who goes before you and 'prepares the way'?
You are not fighting THIS fight alone. Not even at your lowest point, HH. You will never be in this alone. You have His Word on that.
Amy
P.S ~ Thank you. For calling THIS to MY remembrance. I have not been at my strongest in my own battle lately. I need all the reminders I can get .
Quote: You are not fighting alone. When you make a stand for something that is right (and fighting for your marriage IS right) all the power in Heaven is behind you...and guess Who goes before you and 'prepares the way'?
The most recent portion of my saga. I work for my MIL who decided that despite my A and troubles with my W, that I am a valuable employee who makes her business run smoother. Anyway, my W, due to my A, has decided to come back to work for her mother, so now we work together again. Not the most ideal situation. Today was day one of working with my S again and it really threw me off balance. However, I was able to recover w/o any major blowups, but it reminded me of problems in our M that need to be worked out should she decide to work on our M. I was also reminded of the 5 things that I owe my wife, especially now: 1. patience 2. love 3. kindness 4. resect 5. honesty
The two most important ones right now for me, especially while working with her, are kindness and respect. I assured my S that I will treat her with respect and kindness at work and asked that she afford me the same. She said she would. I hope she will.
I have asked my co-workers to remind me to breathe when I am looking tense. They will help me stay centered and calm. My co-workers told me that I handled the stress and tension really well today. One gentleman told me that not only did I do really well, I am an inspiraton to him for how I am handling my situation with calmness and love. They know I love her and that I am in a battle for GOOD; a battle to save my M and preserve my family.
I have a good friend who supports my efforts to save my M. He has enough PMA to spare some to prop me up when I feel weak. He always gives to me. He has been my rock. He truly believes that my M will survive and thrive. I often tell him I wish I had his certainty about my situration, but his certainty is infectious. I love that man for being there for me, for supporting my efforts, for being my friend. You see, most people I know are not PRO-marriage. He is PRO-marriage and pro-ME. I thank God that I have a friend like him.
Well, that's it for right now. I'll be journaling daily for a while. Thanks for listening. STRENGHT AND HONOR!
Tonight I am with my children. Everything was perfect. I love my children so very much. They are perfect angels, both of them.
After I read a book with my D, I was walking by her room with my S in my arms and I said, "I love you, baby, have sweet dreams," and kept on walking. About 5 steps down the hall I hear my D say, "I love you too. You are my joy." I stopped cold. Pleasantly stunned. I asked her what she said and she responded, "I love you. You are my joy." I told her, "Thank you so much, baby. I love you. Have sweet dreams." I cried with my son in my arms. I am still crying tears of joy.
No matter what happens in my M, my children are my greatest gift from God and no one can ever take them from me. Hearing my D profess her love for me really puts my marital problems into proper perspective. My children are who matter most!! NOT me, NOT my M. However, I do desperately want to rebuild my M because I believe that a happy, healthy, nurturing M is the best environment to raise children in.
I do believe I am a hopeless romantic. And, I stopped apologizing for working so hard to hold on to my M and to NOT give up despite the urging of those who care about me. I DON'T WANT A DIVORCE! I don't care if my family and friends don't understand my undying attitude about saving my M and preserving my family structure. I feel like William Wallace in Braveheart, going against ALL odds to fight for what is right! Again, if that makes me a hopeless romantic, then I am proud to be called that. I am fighting for what is right in my head and heart. I love my W. I love my family. I want us to remain intact as a nuclear family; not separated by mistakes and hardened hearts.
I pray every day that God will work His will in my life and that He will open my eyes to see His will. I also pray that if His will is not in keeping with my desires, that He help me to understand that His will is better than my will. You see, since my A, I have decided that I am not the best captain of my ship alone. I have asked the Lord to be my Captain and I will be His first mate. I also have stopped trying to bend God's will to my will. It has never worked for me in the past and I finally figured it out. Too bad I have jeopardized my family and devasted my W to learn this.
Nowadays, my PMA comes from prayer and acceptance. I love the Serenity Prayer. It keeps me balanced and gives me time to breathe and accept the things that I cannot change. I firmly believe that I can DB alone, and with patience, LRT, GAL, loving my S from a distance, kindness, respect and honesty I will prevail in reconciling my M. STRENGTH AND HONOR!
After I read a book with my D, I was walking by her room with my S in my arms and I said, "I love you, baby, have sweet dreams," and kept on walking. About 5 steps down the hall I hear my D say, "I love you too. You are my joy." I stopped cold. Pleasantly stunned. I asked her what she said and she responded, "I love you. You are my joy." I told her, "Thank you so much, baby. I love you. Have sweet dreams." I cried with my son in my arms. I am still crying tears of joy.
What an amazing gift you have with your children... this made me well up with tears.
The Serenity Prayer has been a source of much comfort to me as well. Not to high-jack your post... but on top of my separation I'm dealing with the loss of one family member to cancer and 2 others newly diagnosed..with poor prognosis.
Good luck on your journey.. I hope you reach your ultimate destination and restore a nurturing, healthy M.
Take care.
Link to stuff from the spring.. before I gave up...or he moved. Either way.
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