Amy, you are a Godsend for me and my PMA; my personal angel.
Quote: You sound better than when I first started posting to you, HH.
I love your "thread of hope" comment . MUCH BETTER.
And this after I find out she is out dating other men without doing a good job of hiding it. I have known all along that I am DBing alone. That's OK, I know I am fighting the good fight. I have told her that I am aware that she has the right to date. I only wish for her to be careful and safe for herself and extra careful for our children. I think she took it to heart.
Quote: I would like to "caution" you against having ANY expectations of your wife.
No expectations = 0 Letdowns. It's just a wise rule of thumb.
You see, I have none, except where it comes to our children, and now I have even less expectations there. That's OK, I will make sure they have enough love and attention.
Quote: I'm glad you were able to make it the Father/Daughter Dance. Sorry for the drama brought on by your wife, who definitely thinks the world revolves around HER at this time. Expect more of this behavior.
I am ecstatic that we made it! We both had a great time bonding with love and fun. And yes, my W does believe that the world revolves around her. I've seen this forever and unfortunately encouraged it unwittingly. I do definitely expect more of the same behavior. Her response when I called her on selfish behavior today was that she didn't intend to do that. I tell her regardless of your intention, others are impacted by your behavior, at least take a look at that. She said she would. Unortunately, she sees very little with regards to herself. Great set of blinders she wears when she looks at herself and her behavior.
Others believe my love for and devotion to her is codependence. Some also say I am delusional. Perhaps they all are right.
Quote: The issue of alcohol abuse....
If she is not trapped in an all out addiction, she soon will be with such indulgence as there has been lately.
I know, and have already spoken to her about this being a grave fear of mine. She tells me, "You know I am not an alcoholic. I just made a stupid mistake (on TH evening). Why can't you just let it go?"
I tell her I am extremely concerned because she is home alone with our children and I am not there for our children. She then tells me, "I don't drink at home alone with them, even after they have gone to sleep. I am not 100% certain this is a true statement. I am not there to attest to it. I am scared for my children's well-being. I don't believe she would purposely hurt or neglect them, but when you're drunk, she like the rest of us, don't make the best decisions. I believe she is a good mother, but I also know that she has a tendency to isolate herself from those who will call her on her sh*t, when they see it, SCARY thought.
Quote: We already know she has an addictive personality from your post. She's just not being very smart...and this is going to determine how your sitch turns, HH. You can't DB if there is an issue of substance abuse. I hope this does not aggravate the problems you already have.
I know, I know. I am DBing alone. But, as I told her tonight: I haven't given up hope on our M. She said that the fact that I haven't given up on our M concerns her for me because she feels I will be hurt more later. I told her, my heart is already broken. Let me worry about that. I will quit when I believe it's time to quit. She said, "Well, we are getting a divorce. It's too late." To which I responded, "We are still married, NOW is the BEST time to fight for our M! I haven't lost my ability to keep fighting because our M is in trouble." I am NOT optmistic thought. I did tell my W that if the work I am doing on me makes me a better person it was worth it. I also know that I need to be a better person to be her husband. Again, the work I am doing is worth it.
I know she can't figure me out. My PMA grows more every day and it's going to infect her too. She just doesn't see it coming yet. I get stronger every day too!
Quote: You are setting boundaries (every other weekend with kids).
GOOD FOR YOU.
Now just stick to it.
I WILL. I WILL. This is only the beginning of me shaping my world to be one that will suit me and my family very well.
Quote: You are doing fine.
I feel like I am doing fine. Thank you so much for chiming in Amy. I love the insight and encouragement you so generously bestow upon me.
. MUCH BETTER.
