On Fri, I had a father-Daughter dance to attend with my 5 year old D. Friday evenings are usually MY evenings to be with our children. My W asked me if I was planning on taking our son also? I responded that it was not a father, daughter, son dance and that I was not planning to take him. She said, well, it IS your weekend and you had better figure something out because I have plans that I am not willing to change. Later, she relented and said she would stay home with our S until the dance was over, but then she was going out so I would need to drive both of our children 1/2 hour to get them to bed. Nice. Thanks. My W soon came to me and said, maybe my mother will watch our S. My W then left w/o asking her mother anything so I asked my MIL if she was willing to watch my S while I took my D to her dance. She said she would.
While on my way to pick up my D, my W left me a message that she was already gone to her destination and our children could be picked up at the babysitter's house across the street. I arrived to pick up our daughter and our D was not appropriately dressed to go to a dance. We were already late and I didn't think I had time to change her so we went to my MILs's house so I could drop off our S. Both my MIL and my SIL tell me that my D needs to be in a dress because we are going to a dance. I know they are right so I took my D back and change her. I am steaming inside because my W didn't do this before she left early. Anyway, we went to the dance, my D looked beautiful, and we had a great time. What rubs me wrong the most is that my W is so pissed at me that my children are impacted by her acting out: (1) my beautiful daughter wasn't dressed for the dance when I arrived, even thought my W left early; (2)no effort was made by my W to watch our son while I attended a father-daughter dance with our daughter; and (3) according to my W, she didn't even think about either issue because it was MY weekend to be with the children and I should have told her what I needed from her. I do know that if the roles were reversed, I would have made sure our child was properly prepared and that I didn't put my own plans ahead of our children's needs, but that is must me. Perhaps she is right about me needing to take care of these issues, I just didn't foresee her being so egocentric. Right now everything is about her.
This weekend, I talked with my S about her recent drinking episodes. I told her that my concerns are that she is drinking when she is the only one home with our children. She then proceeded to tell me that TH evening was a mistake (she was brought home drunk by a GF after a date) and that she was NOT drunk on W evening. Unfortunately, I saw her on W and she had plenty more than the one glass of wine she claims, plus she drove herself home! *wince* Additionally, on F (remember, she left early to go) she went to a party with friends of hers and I am certain she stayed the night because she was drunk. <-- Less of a problem, she was not with my children, but a problem nonetheless. That's 3 straight nights of being drunk.
You see, my W is a recovering drug addict (14 years) who attended A.A. for 12 years. Her behavior lately is closer to an addict than someone dealing with a cheating S. THAT concerns me for her and our children. A long time ago, my W told me that addicts are the mosts manipulative people in the world. My W insists she is not an alcoholic, but I told her today that I was more concerned that she IS an addict and I am afraid for her.
Today, I also told her that I was no longer willing to take our childresn EVERY friday night. I told her I would take them from Friday evening until Sunday evening every other weekend. I also told her that I needed to change my weeknights with our children from T & TH to M & TH. She seemed to agree, but we will see.
The problem I am having with right now is talking with anyone anyone who knows her about my experiences with her because all or our friends are mutual. If my W hears what I have said, I am then a liar in her mind. I know that I haven't lied, but to be safe, I need to limit my conversations with anyone who might talk with her about what I have said.
I am feeling weak from my wife's dating, her failure to place our children's needs before her need to go out (& drink), and her anger towards me. One thing I can say, I am not giving up on her or our M. The fight has just begun, as far as I am concerned. Wish me well.
