Being an open book to establish trust after an A is for couples trying to reconcile. You are not currently part of a couple that is trying to reconcile. I don't see much point in continually defending yourself and arguing with her about your present (lack of) infidelity.
I'd be pretty clear about this -- "W, if you want to work on our R and rebuilding trust, then I think discussing my private life with you will be useful. Otherwise, I will no longer engage in these fights about my infidelity. I was unfaithful. I hurt myself, and worse I hurt you and us. I am terribly sorry for the pain I caused you. I have pledged to myself and you to not have any other romantic or sexual Rs outside of our marriage. Should my position change on that, I will let you know. As my wife, you have a right to know whether or not I am choosing emotional and physical monogamy. And I am, it is my choice to continue to do so. For now, that is the end of the subject for me. You have made it clear that you wish to lead separate lives for now. I understand that you are seeing other people. I need to respect your wish for privacy and space and you need to let me do so. To sum up, I am not continuing to break our marriage vows and I will not unless I inform you otherwise. I am taking space for my own life as that is your wish. Should we decide to work on the M, then of course we will need to work on rebuilding trust and I will be very happy to be an open book to you. But, for now, that kind of R would be one-sided on my part and decidedly NOT what you have asked for."
