AmyC, you have the most poignant way of pointing out what already know in my head. I love reading your posts. Yes, she did find out in a dramatic way, not that there is a good way to disclose my stupidity.
Quote: So you can add humiliation to the pot of things she feels. UGH.
UGH is right! UGH UGH UGH! And I have the privilege of living with the aftermath of my poor decision, as does she. Pain and anguish all around.
Quote: Okay, so you already know you have to show this guilty complex the way to the door.
I am working on that daily. Hard to do.
Quote: Stand up. TELL her you are sorry and all the reasons why. Tell her what you will be doing differently and then be prepared for the long walk it's going to be to prove yourself.
I have stood up, from day 1, and told her how sorry I am. She is still not receptive to listening to an apology; most likely because she hasn't forgiven me for my horrible transgression. Should I keep apologizing? Most of what I have read tells me that she already knows I am sorry and that to continue telling her only cements her current stance for a D.
Quote: So where do things stand right now? Did you say if she'd seen a lawyer?
She is actively dating several men at the moment and does not care to disquise it from me. We have been to an arbitrator and I expect I will be served with the D papers soon. I am hopeful she will soften in time, but I am not optimistic. I work on me, work on our R when she affords me the opportunity, and I love our children. I feel like I am drowning being away from my family.
Quote: The only thing nagging at me HH, is that it seems like you feel she has always just been looking for a reason to divorce you. As if her heart was never in it in the first place.
According to her, she always gave 110% to our marriage. I told her, if you mean you haven't divorced me yet, that yes, that I can see that. What I saw was (is) someone who (according to a VERY good marriage counselor) has a Madonna complex, meaning when a relationship is new and the butterflies are there, all is right with her. When the relationship matures she grows bored. The counselor tried to tell her she deserved to be loved and in a long, term relationship. My W only felt challenged because the counselor wouldn't just say the I was the problem in the marriage (and not her, of course). Truly what I saw was someone straddling a marriage line, left foot being in and right foot being out and leaning towards out.
Quote: You picking up your dignity is. So how's that working out today?
I am really struggling with stopping doing for her. Tonight is a fantastic example. She was going to play softball with her girlfrind, but it was cancelled. She called to tell me it was cancelled and that she was going to play pool. She went with one of the guys she is dating. Her girlfriend brought her home drunk. Dummy me, I offered to have her friend take me to the bar parking lot to pick up her car so my S could take our daughter in the morning. On the way back to the house I stopped and picked her up some food, at her request. What is wrong wtih me? I just gave her the food and took off. I am mad, sad, and extremely hurt. I know she has the right to do what she wants to do, but I am struggling with asserting my right to stop being her punching bag because I am so sad and feel so terribly guilty. Obviously my dignity needs help, it is in the toilet and I keep flushing it down.
Vernetta said to me today, I need to focus on the last resort technique. I will be settled in my own place this month (been staying with my sis 1/2 hour away) and our finances will be separted. THEN I will be able to be with our children in MY place and not be subjected to her hurtful behavior. Vernetta also said that I should have much less contact (I will when I am settled) and that my contact needs to remain pleasant, positive, upbeat and polite as I am on my way our the door. I need to create a vacuum. Doing all of that will be much easier when I am in my own place. I am struggling with remaining pleasant when I am hurt and leaving. I let my pain show too often. I will remedy that.
