Hi Chelsea and Sonia and thanks for your replys and for wanting me to stick around because I really like it here. Where else can we go to find people who understand exactly how we are feeling and can offer us comfort and support. I will be here everyday to check up on everybody and if I can help I will jump right in. So many others seems to be so much more eloquent than I but what I write comes comes straight from the heart. I love you all even though I may never set eyes on you. Interesting isn't it that we all have images in our minds of each other from our posting and feel so close yet wouldn't recognize each other if we passed by. Maybe we haven't seen each other with our eyes but we certainaly have seen each other with our hearts and maybe that is more important anyway.
Chelsea yes I knew very well who the OW was. I vagely (sp?) remember her from high school. We met again several years after high school when one of my sisters acting as a real estate agent sold her and her husband their home. Then years later my H came home and told me she had been hired where he worked. It was hey guess who they hired at work. She was the only female in a large group of men performing a blue collar job. To the day the place of business closed last Sept. she was still the only female there.
I knew my H had befriended her when he would come home years ago and tell me how sorry he felt for her because of problems in her marriage and life. I guess she would come to work and cry on his shoulder. I'm sure they remained friends for years but when they found out 3 years ago that they would all be out of jobs this year I am sure they both went into a crisis state that I didn't understand. You see I wasn't worried about what he would do for a job when the time came because I have a good job and felt that anything he could get would be OK. I didn't understand that a Martian needs to feel as though he is providing and must be made to feel good about himself when he is with you. At the time I was going through a tough time too because my mother was terminaly ill.
At the time my H was obsessed with working and was working two part time jobs on top of the full time job. His OW went and got a job at one of his part time jobs so they could be together 60 hours a week instead of 40. Meanwhile back here at the ranch so to speak I was only seeing my H when he was exhausted and grouchy which does not make for a loving relationship. So we would argue about his not having time to spend with me and he would spend even less with me because he would rather be with her. You see she called him her her knight in shining armour and was always telling him he was sooo wonderful I am sure. At any rate that is pretty much how we got here.
We had been married 30 years and I found out about their plans to divorce their spouses and be together last June. I found this site and began DBing right away. My H's position for 2 months was that nothing I could do would change anything because he was committed to her and was not going to hurt her. This he told me in our first therapy appointment with an SBT therapist in August. Then he had a month or better of confusion. Hell I was glad he was confused at that point for it was progress. Then at the end of November he told me he was not going anywhere. He told me in front of the therapist that he would tell OW before Christmas that it was over and he wanted no further contact with her. That is how we have gotten to where we are. It has taken more strenght than I thought I had. There were months of despair, not knowing if I could turn this around or not. I was DBing my heart out with 180's and being so understanding to my H. At the time I kept telling myself that no matter what I would always know that I did everything I could to save my marriage. It took patience and time so that he could sort things out.
[This message has been edited by Johnswife (edited 02-27-2000).]
