Ok Rob and Amy. Lets put what I said about all the DB stuff with the things YOU are saying about not being a doormat together and then put THAT into his sitch. I am just worried that it will be VERY difficult for HH to "win back the trust" of his W without basically dropping to his knees and begging for weeks on end. It seems like she is SO quick to throw around the D thing that it is some kind of weapon she uses to keep him in line. Now that she has a REAL reason to divorce the man, well, I guess it just bothers me.
I do agree with you both, and HH, you need to understand that many of the changes you will make in DB will be for YOU and YOU only. You may not be able to save your marriage (and I am NOT saying you won't) but you will be able to save yourself, and starting to find REAL value in yourself apart from your marriage and W is a huge step in all this.
At some point, should you have begun to get this "self worth" thing growing in you before the A, your response to one of her threats would have been (assuming the A never happened) "Well honey, I think you are right, and a D is the right thing to do. I will go to the lawyer's office tomorrow and you will be served by week's end. See you later."
What I mean is that I really want you to take a HARD look at your marriage and your wife and understand as much as you can about them...then stop thinking about it for awhile (ok, maybe one minute) and focus exclusively on yourself and the things you want to change about YOU. You HAVE to make sure that you are being true to what you want in all this and NOT what she wants from you. If what you want and what she wants from you are one in the same, then great. If, when you reconcile you are filling many more of her needs/wants out of love, then great, but for now, you need to be clear about why you are doing all this, and that needs to be because YOU want to. Whew...that was tough to get out...lol.
Right now, you can't change the fact that your W seems to be trying to control you via divorce threats so you can't dwell on that. You have already decided that you love your W and want to work on your marriage. Now take the next step and decide that the only way that marriage will work is if you are a STRONG, EQUAL partner in it and willing to do whatever it takes to be that, including insisting (much later on, mind you) that she FULLY commit to the marriage and stop making these threats.
