GH, TY for your insight. I am in need of positive direction and encouragement in the murky marital waters I am in. I am definitely working on myself right now. I certainly have the time to do so. I am working on accepting invitations to DO things to occupy myself and be happier in a not so happy time. Other thoughts on your response are:
Quote: Sure, that could have been advice for you BEFORE your A but YOU are the one who had the affair. Do they just dismiss that fact?
No, they don't dismiss my A because I own my poor decision and live with the ramifications everyday. I do not dump any of my mistake on my W. I miss my W and our children every day I am not with them.
Quote: ...but I really think you need to read the section in DR about infidelity and what the spouse in your position should do and focus on those things first.
I have read it, but will re-read it! Clearly, I need a refresher and need to redefine patience for myself with regard to my W and our sitch.
Quote: I think the parts of DB/DR you should embrace are the ones that tell you to focus on you and understanding what YOU can do to become a better man no matter what your W does.
Quote: I would refrain from giving her any more homework.
I certainly agonized about that and gave it to her anyway. Apparently my bad. Should I ask for it back for my use? I have read it twice already. I just don't want to push any buttons right now.
Quote: Decide if you REALLY want to save marriage because you love your W or if it's for other reasons like the kids.
I REALLY do want to save my marriage because of my love for my W. And of course, I want to save my marriage to keep my family together. I believe that is the best scenario. I also believe that with a new DB/DR toolbox and skilled use of those tools, we will build the marriage that we both want and deserve: one that is happy, loving, giving, respectful, patient and honest.
I will continue my reading, especially the relevant books you recommended and continue working on myself. Additionally, I will steer clear of talking with those in my life who are not PRO-marriage, because my marriage is most important to ME, not them.
I understand that saving my marriage is about working on ME; THAT part I get to keep regardless of how my M works itself out. Also, I am focused again on WHO determines when my W is done hurting and being angry and uncertain. It's NOT me, it's my W and I certainly owe her that respect and patience. But I do still hope, despite how dark it all looks.
In closing, GH, thanks for your input. I need help staying in the game and staying out of bitterness and impatience. I'll try to find AmyC's and Heatherg's threads. I need everyone's encouragement and cheerleading to battle through my own fears; to DB my M.
