It is good that you are so emphatic that you want to save your marriage.
Quote: MY infidelity became known to my S 2-1/2 months ago. My A was over long before that.
Whilst your A may have been over long before your wife found out, it has been only two and a half months since your W found out which is not a long time. It does take a betrayed spouse time and support to deal with the fact that their spouse betrayed them.
Quote: I had a recent conversation with someone who knows both of us. S/he told me that I need to forgive myself, to stop taking abuse from my W, and to stop being a doormat for my W.
I sense very strongly from this that the someone is a 'she'.
From what you have written about your wife, it does not sound to me that she is abusing you - it sounds like she is having a really difficult time dealing with your infidelity.
You mention that you have read Divorce Remedy - are you sure you have understood it? The main goal of this process is to work on yourself, and work on the negative aspects of yourself that led to the breakdown in the marriage to make yourself a better person, better able to deal with the difficulties in your marriage and make you more attractive to your spouse.
You talk about your affair- what led you to have an affair? how have you changed things in yourself/lifestyle/marriage to ensure that you will not have an affair again? These are issues you need to deal with regardless of whether your wife stays with you or not.
