Thanks GH, I just seem to be really depressed kinda lately.Tommorow is my bday and we are supposed to be going away for the weekend,but i keep screwing things up i guess. I seem to be overwhelming myself with vivid images of her with Op,and bad thoughts and it just really tears me up. I mean after a ML session a few days ago,i done somethinig i havent done for months.She had went to sleep and i was eating watching tv and all of the sudden i just broke down thinking of her in the arms of another. I know im in bad shape..and Thank you very much fore straightening me out a little,but to be honest,she is doing and saying all the right things,but i cant bring myself to trust her right now,i dont know..its just kinda like i feel there is still some big secret hanging over our head just waiting to come out.I feel there is something she is keeping from me.For one thing there are way to many triggers for me right now.I mean hell..my own bedroom is a trigger,she left a tv over there,and some poker chips, that the other night we were playing poker with the kids and they asked where they were.Little things like that just trigger these feelings to come back. I know i must sound pretty pathetic,and realize that many people on this board would love to have the opportunity i have.Im just trying to be honest so i can get the right advice maybe,and Gh you seem to always hit it right on the head. Actually yesterday i was feeling some things and my W knew it,but as she was walking in the door i was just finishing up your reply and i went to her and gave her a huge hug and kiss. Im just really giving in to the thought of giving up,for a couple of reasons..I dont want to put her or myself through a lifetime of mistrust in a relationship.That would not be fair to either of us.I want to trust my W,and i think i am just scared to be happy right now.maybe this is normal so soon after all this and i should give it more time,but i know if i keep up this way i will not have a chance to make that decision.I think one of the things i think about is how can she be so happy with me right now?Sometimes i think she knew what she was doing all along...I think she definitely never would have told me had i not found out,and maybe that was her plan...she always would say to me things like..maybe ill feel different in 6 months and so forth.Its like she knew she wanted to just have a little A and come back to me all along.Or sometimes i feel like i was just settled for because it didnt work out. Im insane!!! DeeJay
