Hello everyone, Ive been kinda out of sorts for a while and havent posted lately.Well what i heard and read about has come true.The time after you have gotten what you soooo wanted,and now i am constantly second guessing myself and my return home after my W's A. The first month was the greatest month we have ever had in our entire 12 year M,and we still are having some great times,dont get me wrong..i am getting better i think,but the last week i was a total mess!I was constantly asking questions about the A,wanting to know who,what ,when,where..everything...i could not help myself.Here it has almost been 2 months and i still question myself on whether or not i can ever trust my W again.She is telling me all the right things,but she does not want to talk about the A really.She has confessed to it,and some other things,but it seems i always have another question waiting for her.I keep trying to think back when we were seperated and how badly i wanted this.Im hoping this is all normal and hopefully time will take care of alot of things,but i just really wanted to make sure i knew everything before i invested my once broken heart in my M for the rest of my life.I cannot and will not allow myself to go through this pain again.I am having problems with living in my house,when i know she has been with Op there.Her job bothers me because her boss is the Op Aunt.(She is trying to get another job(at my request.) I have told her to please bare with me,that i have bad days from time to time,and actually told her some things that she says help me sometimes.The other day she said she wanted to tell me that she didnt really know what she was doing during that time and felt bad,but she said she didnt want to say anything.I told her that sometimes it helps to hear your Sorry if you really mean it. I am really trying because when i can calm down and take my mind off of things we really have an unbelievable time together. Anyway,just need some encouragement,and some inspiration maybe. And just to show you how hard it can still be,even though my W seems to be trying really hard i am going to share a letter she wrote me last night.
H, Just sitting here out back wishing you weren't sleeping and out here with me.I'm glad that we had a good weekend.I hope and wish that everyday can be like that.I truly enjoy every minute we spend together.I really don't understand why we never had times like this before.It's like I don't want to work or sleep or anything,either of us,because i just want to be with you,talking,laughing and holding each other.I know that you are dealing with alot of feelings,and that i can't understand everything you've been through,and still dealing with.I do care about you and your feelings.For both of us I wish that those 6 months never happened.I know that we needed something to happen because we both say we weren't happy for a while before we split up.I know that i hurt you more,but I was hurting too.I guess for the most part I was in a daze.No matter what i said I never stopped loving you,and i guess you knew that or you probably would have given up.We can't go back and take anything away,but we can make now and forever be the best years of our life.I love you and our daughters more than anything.I am sorry that I hurt you H,I truly am.I promise to never hurt you like that again.I Love You!Just take my hand and my heart and walk forward,and promise to love me forever and never leave.I hope that we can now know how to make each other happy and work out anything in the future;the right way.Well it's time to wake you up! I Love You Baby, W After reading this again it makes me want to go home and hug my W.I hope all these thoughts go away,i hope i can learn to trust my W again. DeeJay
