Thanks for the post sharing with us your counsellor's answers to your questions. I have not been involved in counselling for awhile, and it was good for me to hear those answers again. I, too am going to reread Michelle's article on forgiveness. That is what brought me to these boards initially.
Regarding your counselling session, I think that maybe we had already figured out or heard those same ideas, but it takes strength and resolution for me to keep them at the front of my mind. It seems that there are things that I know and accept intellectually, but that I have difficulty accepting and holding on to emotionally or intuitively.
On one level I understand the coma analogy. I can see that my H had little understanding of what was really going on with anything while the ea was in full swing. The early post affair recovery period was also a time of continued confusion. Nevertheless, I have this raw intuitive fear about how he could have done some of the things he did while semi comatose or how he could've gone as far as he did without waking up or at least coming to intermittently. I'll always think that I would feel more secure if he could ever get to the point that he could discuss his affair openly. I doubt that will ever come, however.
I also relate to what Sonia posts about the need for control. My H doesn't seem to feel the need to be in absolute control of his life. He seems to have the self confidence that he can deal with whatever comes along as it comes. On the other hand my need to explore the possible outcomes of all major decisions is sometimes paralysing. The real irony here is that his self confidence is TOTALLY UNFOUNDED. He just doesn't know it and doesn't seem to mind taking 3 steps backward for every 1 step he takes forward. It may be another of those man / woman things, but he generally is one who acts first and thinks about it later or better yet not at all.
The challenge for me always is to see his many good qualities and to accept that the glass is half full. Because we all seem to be wrestling the same demons as we come through recovery, I have to believe that most of this is normal and natural. It is good to read the posts of others who are struggling to adjust expectations, memory, and reality.
