Hi friends. I promised you an update so here it is.

I saw our SBT therapist this afternoon by myself to work out some of my problems. She told me she could tell from our last two joint sessions that I was having a lot of difficulty and that is why she asked to see me alone. If I had continued on the way I was I could have undone all the progress we have made. I told her I knew that and I have been struggling the last several weeks with all kinds of questions in my mind and expecting too much too fast.

I told her I have decided with the help of everyone here that what I need to do is detach a little bit. Too go on working on myself and enjoying the realtionship that H and I have found together. I need to give us some time to just let things happen naturally. I also told her I was going to ask my H to attend a Retrouvaille weekend with me in July. She said my strategy was again excellent and kept saying what a strong person I am.

I have focused too much on trying to have the best marriage ever right now and have been obsessing and analyzing everything to death. Now I am going to let go of all of that crap and just enjoy every moment I can.

I did ask the therapist how my H could have crossed that line when he is so committed to me. Was it MLC or just how did he justify his behavior and what does that say about his character? Her answer was she couldn't tell me why except that we were in a stressful situation at the time. (At the time this affair got started my H the OW and others they worked with found out the place they worked at would be closing and they would be out of jobs.) I wasnt't too worried about it because I knew we would be OK but my H was stressed. She did say that what happened to us and I think particularly him is very very common. I asked her how our H's could just wake up one day and its like nothing ever happened, you know the amnesia thing. She said it seems to her like some people just go into a coma like state for a while and then come out of it in time.

She pointed out to me that my H does have a lot of wonderful attributes and he does. She also said most of us women do not get our all of our emotionnal needs filled by our H's but that it is us women talking to other women that helps fill our need for communication. I think she is right about that. Its time to appreciate the things H does give me and focus on the positives. She states by focusing on the positives I will be happier and H will give me more of what I need.

We talked a little about the differences between men and women. They truly are different from us. My H is a Martian no doubt and I may never understand him completely. Heck my Phd. therapist admits that she hasn't got men totally figured out yet either. Well Marian he may be but he is my Favorite Martian.

H is waiting for me to get done with this and help him fill out some paperwork so I got to go. By letting go I do feel like a tremendous weight has been lifted of my shoulders and I am ready to take on the challenges ahead. Hope this helps someone.