I haven't posted in awhile but I have been reading the message boards trying to keep up with everyone.
Our daughters wedding was wonderful. Her fellow loves her so much that anyone can see it written all over him. I guess that is what I wanted from my H too. However maybe I was being unrealistic. My H was like that 30 years ago. I remember well how in the beginning he felt I could do no wrong and I could see the love on his face then too. What happens as we get older? I wonder if H remembers how he felt and acted in the beginning of our marriage? Maybe I'll ask him sometime.
I think I am getting better about letting go of the anger and resentment. I reread Micheles article on forgiveness. Maybe I need to read it everyday for a while.
I know I have gotten tired of trying to change my H into somebudy he is not. It just isn't going to work out that way. While I would love for him to keep apologizing and grovel just a little after what he put me through it isn't going to happen. Our therapist tells me he is showing me he loves me in his way and I know he thinks he has given up a lot for me because he gave up two jobs that kept him away evenings and weekends so he could spend more time with me and the family. Thats great so how come so much of the time is spent in front of the big screen TV in the other room. I can only watch so much TV and I gotta do something else. He loves it though.
I know we are going to be OK. I just need some time to sort things out. I am relearning that we have to make ourselves happy by being good to ourselves. I let up on my diet and exercize program and am now anxious to get back to it. I am going back to my DB ways and I think I will be happier that way. I will be the best me I can be for myself and that will make me happy. Meanwhile as long as H is happy he can sit in front of that TV as long as he wants too. After all it is better than what he was doing.
