Wesse's post is so inspirational. i think you should give up your day job and simply counsel us ongoing...forever probably. how much i want to be where you are..with h at home and going to therapy. your h and jw's were never even out of the house. you can't imagine how it feels and for me it has been 5 months today. will i ever get used to being in our bed alone...brushing my teeth alone...and talking to myself so at least someone asks me about my day. i know he will call later...i am so afraid of what he will say and how i should respond. i promised myself NO RELATIONSHIP TALK and to be up and peppy and talk about my new long term job, LISTEN to him about his day and give him supportive strokes. if he asks about the children i will have to try and get off that topic as well.
i am looking for someone else to fix it when i know the only thing that can happen is ME fixing ME and maybe h fixing himself and then maybe WE fixing us.
i watched oprah today (actually taped it). that guy, the psychologist is going to talk every tuesday about relationships. i will play it tonight. he wrote a new book. i would love to anonymously send h the tape...but i know i am pushing too hard. sometimes i get so mad at myself i want to call ow's h and find out what he knows....but that would be foolish and intellectually i know that.
what if h calls and says he has filed....he lied about seeing a lawyer...he finally said he did. i also know he is charging lots of stuff on his visa (not ours) and i can't imagien what he is buying...when he asks about money and i ask him...he says he charges gas and that's it...sure!
i want to trust again...first i want to work on this....but he says he is not coming home and he will not work on it unless he decides to come home.
i am a loser in this game. first rate failure in the field of marriage...and tonight i feel myself slipping into the pit again.
