Good morning everyone. Hope everyone got a good nights rest.
Thought I would share with you a couple more things that happened in the therapy session last night.
When I told our therapist that all that pain I stuffed down while DBing my heart out saving this marriage is now bubbling to the surface and making me feel very sad and the tears start falling for all I lost. Like I used to think our marriage certificate was a sacred document and now I see it is just a piece of paper. And with our daughter getting married on Valentine's Day in the same chapel H and I were married in 30 years ago is working on my mind. Told her I am fearful that while we are all standing there I might be remembering that H broke everyone of the vows he made on that day in that chapel that I thought were sacred. Therapist said no marriages are perfect and that all marriages go through troubled times and I should be proud that 30 years later we are standing there with our daughter stronger than ever. She told me that Michele would tell me let the pain go and put it behind me and concentrate on the positives and moving forward. Yep I know she is right. I just got to learn how to do it.
One part of my problem is that I think to much. She says I have an analytical mind and reflect on things all the time like she does but my H doesn't do that because his mind doesn't work that way.
She explained it to me by telling me about a friend of hers. This friends husband was diagnosed with a tumor that a doctor told him was unoperable and terminal. The couple searched for someone who could help them and found doctors that were able to operate and the man is fine today and back to work. So my therapist had lunch with her friend and asked her what she took away from this experience. Her friend said nothing everything is OK now. Well if it had been me I would have taken away several things, like make everyday with your family count, and never give up just because one person tells you something can't be done. My therapist and I both see all these good things that people like us would learn from having gone through such an ordeal. The therapist explained to me that everyone's mind does not work like ours and to someone like my H the crisis is just over and he doesn't reflect on it.
So Ok a key component to helping me through the healing process and us through recovery is me learning how my H's mind works so I can understand him better.
My H listened to the first tape is Keeping Love Alive but did not want to listen to anymore. He told the therapist that it just was not interesting to him because Michele gave to many examples for him. The therapist said that is OK and that I should just listen to them that they could help me. The therapist looks at me and says you know one person can save a marriage and you did it. Even listening to the tapes by myself will help me. My problem is I am thinking hey wait a minute. It feels like I went the extra mile to save this marriage and I am suppose to keep doing all the work and he doesn't have to do nothing but enjoy it. Baloney, I want more.
Just noticed what time it is getting to be and I have got to fly now to get to work on time. Will be back here when I get home.
[This message has been edited by Johnswife (edited 02-08-2000).]
