Wanted to share my wonderful news with my DB family…my husband and I are expecting our second child in September! If it a girl, I’m seriously considering “Faith” for her middle name. I told my husband that I like “Faith” because I kept it through all of the madness we experienced over the past year and a half. I had faith that my life would be better down the road, whether I stayed married to him or not. I had faith in myself! For those of you unfamiliar with my story, here is a condensed version.
In August 1998, my husband and I had been together for seventeen years, married nine, had a two year nine month old son and a relatively problem free marriage. Sure we had the usual stresses. You know, with each working full-time, often opposite shifts, spending our individual and collective "free time" with our extremely active son, not knowing how to communicate, financial considerations, etc. Nevertheless, our marriage was impenetrable, right! I was so wrong. I had built up resentment for the entire nine years of our marriage and had become the queen of nag! I was GOOD!
On August 19th, 1998, we had an argument that lead to my husband leaving home (surprisingly my suggestion that he leave). My gut was telling me that something was not right with him. Well, I was right. He was involved with a girl from work; their EA started around June. Of course, I did all of the usual don’ts…crying, pleading, begging, pursuing, etc. I was unaware that Divorce Busting existed and thank my lucky stars I found Michele in the nick of time. I read DB over and over again, had a phone consultation with Michele, joined this website and regained my positive attitude. I put the 180 and act as if into overdrive. I backslide a few times but mostly held my own. I got stronger and stronger every day all the while my husband maintained that he was not in love with me, hated me, never wanted to see me again, blah, blah, blah. So, after three months, I decided I had given him enough of my time and chances to hurt me so I filed for divorce in the December timeframe—this was my Last Resort. He was served in January and our first court date was set for early February 1999. During this time, we were seeing (still are seeing) a marriage counselor (under the guise to part as friends which would be best for our son) so I was fortunate to have a dialogue going with him on some level.
Although a part of me wanted to stay married to him and I loved him, I knew that I could no longer live the same way with the same man. I needed change. I had to change. I started to live life for me and my son. As far as I was concerned, my husband had to live with the natural consequences of his actions. It was during this time that I noticed a difference in his attitude toward me (like Michele says, don't overlook the small stuff). He was not in such a hurry to leave my house after visiting with our son, when he called he started asking how I was doing, he noticed my changes (I lost weight, changed my hair style, got contacts and started wearing different styles of clothes (different for me.))
His attitude continued to change, as did mine. The stronger and more independent I got, the more attractive I became to him. WE decided to postpone the court date and work on the marriage in early February 1999. He moved back in April 1999 and things have been good, often great, ever since!
I still have to work hard at staying solution oriented and not losing sight of the “cheese.” I have had my moments where I thought I made a huge mistake! But somehow WE continue to overcome these obstacles. I’ve changed, he’s changed, and our marriage has changed! We’ve been through a lot together and still continue to grow and learn.
Thank you Michele for all of your wonderful work, commitment to your beliefs and having the foresight that people like me can benefit from both. I do not want to relive any of those days but I have to say I’m not terribly sad it happened. My life is so much more rewarding now and I’m a much happier person for those experiences. I kept the faith! I believe I have the power to change and be happy!
