I think Cobra was offering advice based on the assumption that both F4W and his wife are not differentiated enough to behave as though they were differentiated. In the quote from Schnarch, Schnarch was describing the unfortunate state of being fused, not prescribing a course of action based on fusion. I'm not sure if I agree with Cobra's theory that you will cause more problems than you will solve by acting more diffentiated than you are. Though, as Schnarch said, acting differentiated is not at all the same as being differentiated, you have to start somewhere. I sometimes think it is better to grow by forcing myself to behave in a certain way and then deal with my feelings/fears as they arise, rather than waiting to overcome my fears or analyze my feelings before I act. Before everyone on the BB slams me for talking the talk rather than walking the walk, I should point out that I think it is "better" to act, not "easier".
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
