I have to take issue with this advice. F4W is without a doubt the pursuer and his W is the avoider. A few weeks ago he was trying to stop the pursuit and it was showing results. The problem is that he is way too impatient (i.e., still has major control issues), so he backslid. Normally I don’t think that is a big deal.
But he and his wife are walking the edge of the cliff right now. Setting too hard of a boundary at this delicate time can just push them both over the edge. Schnarch talks about this on p. 150.
“The politics of wanting are truly powerful – and volatile. Low differentiation requires a rather tricky balance; it’s only safe to want your partner as much as your partner wants you. On the other hand, it’s only safe to not to want your partner when you partner wants you. If your partner stops wanting you while you don’t want him or her, you might end up divorced.”
There is a time and place to show no affection, no concern, to totally detach. I am not sure that time is now.
