WTF are you say? I though you filed for D? Now you are asking if you should try to have sex? What am I missing here? This sounds a lot like a game. What is the purpose of filing for D if it is not to get D’d?
In my case I filed, then I let her tell me that she was trying to figure a way out of the mess. She had a choice and she made a selection. That opened the door for negotiation and forced her to expose her true desire – keep the marriage together. This meant showing her vulnerability, which is what really scares her. But if she couldn’t do that, then it was off to D court. I put her in the crucible and she made her selection.
In your case, I don’t understand your purpose of filing other than to escalate the power struggle in order to “force” her into sex. What does asking for sex have to do with filing for D? You are manipulating and trying to back peddle on your decision to file. That is not a good place to be. She will see right through this.
What is it you really want? I felt that your decision to file was prompted out of anger and frustration. There is no way you could have incorporated much differentiation into you emotions during the short time we have been conversing. The intellectual understanding can come quickly, but like I mentioned to Lil some time back, I am working on drilling differentiation into my feelings and emotions and it will take some time to do.
Like I told Balto, be careful of what you ask for, you might get it. And like I told Stig, referencing Dirty Harry, “A man’s gotta know his limitations.” In this case knowing one’s limitations is understanding the extreme difficulty of harnessing and changing emotions. To think this can be changed overnight is to step outside of one’s limitations.
So my advice to you is to think and FEEL long and hard about what you really want. Once you decide, then resolve to set that position in stone and do everything you can to bring about your objective. But you cannot pursue two conflicting objectives at once.
