Things have been quiet and not full of turmoil. I have been trying to apply again some of the differentiation strategies as well as some of the Identity Self (false self) that Lil has been posting of.
I struggle still with my desire to interact with my wife in more than a co-parent mode. I know that some will classify this as enmeshment, but I am not sure that is applicable here. Remove the raw emotion and feeling of the marriage ending and I know that I will move on and be able to offer my love and focus to someone who can truly appreciate it.
The last thing in regards to the relationship was my wife making a statement loudly that it will all be fine. I have not engaged in any R talks or approached her in any manner. I did offer a casual lunch offer yesterday, she declined b/c she was busy.
I leave for 5 days in about 1 week. She has stated that time away will be her time to see if she misses me. My gut tells me that she may use that as her final evaluation to her exit strategy.
I want to believe my wife in her last statement, but in an effort to not perpetuate the discussion, I avoided asking for clarification of what exactly "fine' meant. I am choosing to apply the "leap of faith" principle here and take "fine" as meaning we will continue to work on our relationship.
With all that long winded blabbering done, my quandry is do I seek affection from her? Not in a validation of me, but rather I desire to have that interaction with her. Do I act as it is just fine and do that, or am I to continue with the Shaolin Monk lifestyle of the past 3 weeks (No kisses, except one, no hugs, no touching, no sex) and for how long? How is that course of action proactive? Am I not just allowing her to have a marriage devoid of intimacy, something I thnik she would be fine with. SHe made the comment after my lunch invitation, that she just needed to get through the week. Well Friday she is going out with the girls for a night. Usually this is a precursor to an argument as she does not meet her tentative arrival home time. Usuually by a few hours.
So the question, do I seek initiation for intimacy before I leave on my trip? This all came as a rush to me today as I had several meetings today with some very attractive female clients. My thoughts were not of them, but my wife. It stirred a strong sexual desire in me fo my wife. I take this as a good sign of where I am at emotionally in my commitment for my wife.
Comments?
F4W (holding his breath waiting for the 2x4's and thinking he should take a cold shower right now!)
Through honest giving of my love I will recieve 10 fold in return.
Just because a person does not love you in the way you want, does not mean they do not love you!
