I suspect that you react very similarly to situations where you are backed into a corner or wrongly accused…
Yep, sure do. Problem is that my wife does too, so it is especially important for us to avoid these situations.
I understand the email situation. My point is that she wants you to pursue her as much as you need to pursue. Right now she probably feels “over pursued” and engulfed. If she is like my wife, she needs time to breath, then more time to notice the lack of pursuit. Eventually she feels left out, especially if you and the kids get a life. If she is tied up at wrk, this is really the perfect time for you to do this. For my wife, doing this type of thing helped drive home the importance of family time whereas before she just wanted everything for herself. She never understood how I felt left out when I was working long hours. So leave her a little in the dark.
I believe therein lies some anger and resentment that surfaces.
If by this you mean anger at your parents for doing the same thing to you, then try to hold this in since there is not much your W can do to resolve this issue for you.
Expectations, Cobra honestly in my heart, there is a difference in perception from what I want as reality and what I perceive as reality.
I’ve mentioned this before as the source of disappointment. So perfectionists work like crazy to make the world live up to their fantasy standards. When that fails they are disappointed. The other method is to lower expectations to a more reasonable level, don’t you think?
I make the statement trying to stay in the thoughts of no expectations, wherein my reality is I do have expectations. Did that make sense?
Yes, self deception.
There are more intense when I f-up and create issues. Maybe I created the issue, an honestly I did.
Do I hear another perfectionistic statement? You might want to read through some of Chrome’s threads. I don’t think he is perfectionist per se, but he does fantasize a lot and suffers from low esteem, due to his traumatic childhood trauma. You statement is self deprecating and will only lead to more trouble. Look into the need to be perfect and try to understand that you do not need to prove anything to anyone. Just be true to yourself and do what you know in your heart is right. Then there is not need to prove anything or beat yourself up for failing.
How does my wife see my actions? If I could I would think she does not believe a word I say. That all my actions are to create an environment to get my physical pleasures met. She made reference this morning to writing that email about controlling behavior and then creating conflict. Maybe truth, maybe not. It was not my intention.
Listen to what she says, no matter whether your believe it or not. In fact, you might try mirroring statements back to each other. You’ve made several comments that she sighs in desperation when you push for information. This will let her know you hear her. Her mirroring you will relieve some of your anxiety.
