I am in complete agreement with your goals and objectives. But the path you are using, to push things through, needs to be chosen carefully to not step backwards and make things worse. My understanding is that you are on the edge of divorce so your situation is precarious.
Cobra, I have made my share of mistakes, I have made my share of missteps, but I do feel that you make to great of an assumption with the statement of I am just talk. I am not the perfect person that can do this I am human. I do take offense to that statement but you are entitled to it.
Ok, I’m sorry I offended you. But my assertion that you are just talk is really based on what you say your wife says. Not me. I don’t think you are really listening to her. There is a time to read through her code to get past the BS. There are other times to take her at face value. It is confusing. But that’s the way it is.
Why is it that you are the one initiating the emails? Let her send them to you. If you divorce, how will you handle the kids? Will you still need to check in with her? I would think not, so do as if you were a single parent, at least as far as scheduling the kids. If she doesn’t rendezvous, then that’s her problem. She can call you to find out where you’ll be. If she gets lonely of feels guilty for missing their games, that’s her problem too.
There is no expectation of running back. I do not see myself stating that or implying that. I am stating that the non-verbal language being communicated was the issue at hand. Act the way you wish, is her statement, I do and get hammered. I do not I get hammered. This is not a push for self-destruction, it is trying not to be caught in the damned if you do and damned if you dont.
F4W, you know this is enmeshment and you giving away your power. I don’t need to tell you that. I am wonder if the sentence “There is no expectation of running back” is what blinds you. This is from your perspective. How do you think she sees your actions? I thought she told you several times already?
To have honest dialog and quit the placating responses only to have one or the other break that response through their actions.
I think your wife could claim this is what she is trying to say as well. You two really have a communication problem and I think it is because each of you are still wearing tinted glasses and seeing your own version of reality. You are still both too caught up in what the other has to do in order to make each of your feel better.
Counseling is a must, IMO. You can only get so much out of a BB. You are on the right track. Just hang in there and relax. You are too intense. Believe me I know. I was exactly the same way. The anxiety can be overpowering. But since she seems willing to keep the status quo for now, you have time to work through this issues. That book by Pia Mellody call “Facing Love Addiction” might help too.
