There are several overwhelming emotions I feel from reading your posts. One of them is the anxiety that I and others have mentioned. Another is fear, but one more is the smothering and engulfment, which obviously come from the anxiety. I think you do need to give her a little time to digest things. Just because you have done this before and she kept getting more and more distant doesn’t mean she is doing so now. In fact, even if she is one the path you want of working on the M, she still needs a certain amount of space. You are smothering her if you are sending repeated emails. She is telling you this yet you don’t want to listen. You are not respecting her reality. Take a look at all these excerpts from your post.
Space, I really believe that is a term now used by people to say leave me the hell alone for an indefinite period of time.
I do not want to address the issues at hand and they will magically go away or they will not.
Is it your point here that I continue to be dismissed and placed in the background and accept that fate?
If they do not, we then know this M needs to end. I am not buying that argument as a solution.
When I express myself, I am made to be the villain.
Yes I have heard it and I do not buy it. It is not acceptable, IMO, to take that stance.
I see this here from her stance that she will not work, discuss, address, or acknowledge anything about the marriage.
Can you feel the tone? They all contain an element of absolutism. They all state reality in your terms and no one else. You say she does this to you, but you do the same. You don’t react well to it so why should she?
You’ve got a lot of anger just under the surface and it is coming out in your communications with her. That pushes her away, which makes you lose control and feel more anxious. So you push harder. She is talking to you but you don’t want to hear her point of view, you are pressing to get her to say what you want her to say. Either stop the control games or go file the papers. You can’t have it both ways.
Again for the record, (not being smug) I have rearranged my workday and schedule to accommodate every facet of her work life for last week and then next two. To the point of my productivity at work being compromised. I am willing to run the house for this time, and am doing well at it. For her to say I do not understand is her really saying I have no time for you, just my job.
Yes you are being smug. And why would you arrange your work schedule? What you state is the very reason not to. You made these changes with the expectation that she would do the same. Now she hasn’t and you are resentful. You did this to test her. Stop putting her into a corner and there will be no more tests to fail. You are creating your own death wish.
I told you before this will not be solved quickly. No one, not even YOU, has the strength of personality to just push things through and have the other person like it. Just what have you done to make yourself more appealing to her? Why would she choose you to get out of the stuck situation she is in? Why should she open herself to you rather than stay in her shell? So far you have just talked a lot of talk, but with only one week’s worth of changes you think she should just come running back? She is hesitant because she knows you better than you know yourself! She correctly anticipated your rising anxiety and your push for control. She knows you have tried one game after another. What is different now other than using a different weapon? Your agenda is the same. When you truly change this and focus ONLY on your self, the pressure will come off her. She will FEEL and SEE the changes in you and slowly start making the choices you want. Then she will start changing herself.
