For a very long time I have asked my wife "am I arrogant" The answer has always been "No your just smart and know your stuff"
Today I asked again but I said " I know I have asked this question a hundred times and you always give me the same answer, but do I come accross as arrogant" I then said I asked my C a long time ago and she gave me the same answer as you. My wife was startled by that and said "What did she say"
I told her that my C simply said that I seemed to be an expert in my field and an expert in many things and I was just teaching at a high level. She said it was like a phd teaching high school students.
My wife said that her discussion was different. She said my c said "It must be hard living with someone so overbearing" My wife said yes it is
I was a bit disgruntled at my c since I have heard nothing of this. My wife assumed I had. My wife said well the C had some whacked ideas anyway like her track record. All she was concerned with was her track record not my wife's happiness. I concurred and said she hadn't helped me a terrible lot and that's why I haven't been back The C said I was doing perfectly and she didn't have much advice for me. Actually said I was so on track I needn't be there. That what I had gained I had gained elsewhere.
My W apologized for telling me. Said she thought I knew and we had had the conversation before. Apologized for ruining my morning. I said no I did not know and thank you for telling me. Although it is hard to hear I need to know.
So we went in for breakfast and talked a little more. A bit of humor crept in. she talked a lot about it being a man's world.
So when I told her I needed to know to deal with it and change it she said that's impossible. "What are you going to do, you are incredibly smart and you hate to see people screw up, what are you going to do just shut up and not say a word."
I think there is a lot in that statement.
Last night we were talking about my proffession being a man's world (or she was) and she was talking about ruling behind the scenes. How a woman in our profession gets her power from who she is wed. This is true in our traditions. She was proud of her ability to do this well.
At breakfast I cautiously mentioned that she was a bit overbearing too. This is nothing new. She says it herself all the time. She said yes she is but when a woman does it it's called nagging and then she stated several descriptions of terms when applied to men are positive but when appplied to women are negative.
She said yes she was extremely overbearing but her overbearingness was overshadowed by my own. She said if it wasn't for me she would seem extremely overbearing. But in a woman it is called nagging.
Now this all should have been very obvious to me. In the idea of unfinished childhood business (do we subscribe to this?) Her father is extremely overbearing. He is very knowledgable or is that a know it all?
So at least I have something to go on here. Maybe this is good. Maybe I should get her "How to change your man..."
