Hey guys. i know on the weekends you special people who have your h's at home don't check the bb...but i thought i would try. how i wish to be on this board...but the chances get dimmer by the day. i was fine at work today but en route home from school i fell apart and have been crying for hours. called one friend to go for dinner but she too was exhausted from the week of teaching...called h's cousin...i fell apart. she called him tonight. asked again to consider...he said he wants out...wants to be free...wants to be friends...he is my best friend...i want to talk to him about my week...my life...how much i love him...am sorry for creating an uninviting environment....but he has not called since wednesday when i found out about ow. he still tells cousin it is a friendship and he wants it like that. who knows. i am glad i didn't talk to him and be angry and say things i would regret...but what do i do now. if he does call and wants to do the taxes tomorrow night like discussed..should i do it...and be sweet and wonderful...and then when he asks why don't you file...what do i say. HELP ME out there...i am holding on because you all have given me the courage to hold on...you all did and your stories seem as bleak...but like i wrote before...being this is the third ow in 30+ years...is it a pattern that could stick me again at age 60...or is it salvageable. his cousin says there is no hope he is so definite...but my gut, my heart...tell me to hang in there..what do i do...do i wear my ring..i didn't yesterday and today but put it on tonight...i feel like a school girl and a bad breakup...so immature...and heartbroken...h thinks i should get on with my life...he wants to 'move on...hates being in limbo...wants to be free'(to do what)...and i want not to do anything until after second daughter's wedding in late october...and inbetween hope and pray he sees the light...i am so lonely...no friends...couples don't want you around...
