JW and Wesse: thanks for te info. i am not certain about life right now. i talked with h's cousin this morning (she is my friend) and he called her last night and is worried about me.he still insists it is only a deep and special friendship and no sex...that they are ot doing anything which would get them into trouble..(i wish i could remember exact working)...that she can see her kids whenever she wants. he keeps asking his cousin why i don't file..she tells him because i don' want to. he still says he isn't coming back. he also says he can be with friends and do things and with whom he pleases. being realistic...this is his third ow (that i know about) first one 22 years ago...then five years ago when we were separated...same scenerio...good friends...then the sex after he moved out...so is this really MLC or stupidity on my part for wanting him back. i still have not talked to him. he is very afraid that i have painted a cruel picture to the children. he is the one who insists they are adults. yes, i wrote to them and told them i had foud out there is definitely ow...and i talked with them each yesterday. they are angry and supportive...and none of them wanat me to work it out if possible (which it probably isn't). this ow has her hold on him with her sweetness etc. (look at ginny's thread on i Need Support...i wrote on that this morning quickly. needed to think before i wrote on this one.) i would have been mean and nasty and said things i shouldn't if he had called last night. i passed him on the road this morning and called on his cell phone and hung up before he answered...decided he has to call.
i know JW's h never really left...and Wesse...sounds like yours only left for 72 hours...even though there was ow in each situatuion, you at least had chance to work on dbing with h...i don't...the other woman does. as much as i would like to call her h and even her..i wouldn't do that. ordered caller ID so i can see when he calls and from where.he told his cousin he still wants to see me this wekend and do the taxes...should i...i feel like i can't look at him right now. why do i still love him if he has done this to me again...i wrote to a male friend last night...someone who was my h's best friend in medical school 30 years ago. he and his wife are separated and she and i have been e-mailing for a while. she is a bit vindictive and sometimes her e-mails scare me. this guy wrote to me in response to the holiday card about our daughters getting married....so we have started writing...and i have told him what is happening and he confided in me. last night i asked him why guys, especially doctors (% is very high) do this...and he talked about his situation and said he felt sometimes he came home to a bitchy wife who ws not flexible, was worried about mundane things...nagged...etc...sounded like the world i created...and it finally hit home..but still...i can find solutions..only h wants out (defintely, totally and NOW...TODAY)...so with that attitude, how can even expert dbing help bring him home...i know, i should db to take care of myself..but admit it girls...the reason we do it is to save our marriages.
Please write.
my heart was breaking. all i want is for h to mend his ways but i think he is really serious..and i refuse to go to the thread about surviving D.
i know there are no promises but fouryears ago next week we moved here on his promise to be best friends again and work on this...and although i failed in many ways...he failed to keep his end of the bargain big time.
also..must decide which therapist to continue with...the closer one who is NOT sbt or the one 90 miles away who is sbt...what do you think.
ronnie
[This message has been edited by Ronmom (edited 02-04-2000).]
