hey Xue just checked my email and am glad you sent it as I wouldn't have been on here till after the weekend
I can't believe you have never noticed a physical response from just talking before you are obviously not looking - the eyes are a dead give away watch the size of the pupils I think 'the day' is getting closer and closer she didn't wake up cranky she woke up frustrated and she hasn't worked out yet what to do about it
If I was her friend who lived up the street I would be telling her to go 'bonk your brains out'
this business partner of yours - is it possible that he at first felt you were both supportive and positive and now you pour water on his ideas simply because you have been in the business a long time and have already tried his ideas?? is he likely to greatly affect you if you let him try and idea that won't work what I am trying to say is 'how much of his actions directly affect you and your business and therefore how much of this is really your problem are you guys making this your problem would it be possible and if yes therefore easier to let him try - maybe tell him something like 'well that's up to you and I guess the only way we learn is to find out for ourselves and experience the results - when we tried that it didn't work but hey it may work for you - different times, situation, people environment etc - you make the decision !!! are you in a position to do this rather than be the I know all the answers person and you should only do what I say is goodperson? are you able to be the you give it a try and I am here if it doesn't work for you type of person???? Otherwise (from his point of view) nothing he is doing is good enough I don't know if you are in a position to do this - kind of like what you would do with a kid - let them have the experience and be there to help if it fails sometimes we have to remember that doing is all about learning and we need to learn from our own experience and not the experience of others (sounds like you both want to help so much that you try to get him to learn from the experience you both have had and that won't work for him)
memory shut down is normal particularly under stressful conditions if in the past this type of interaction (between you and wife was stressful) you would automatically remember this and your mind would block out what you don't want to remember also I think you are very easy going in general and it is not in your personality to focus on conversations to the extent required to be able to bring forth memories of particulars ie yeah well on monday you said >>>>>>>> I remember you are more inclined to remember generalities and not specifics
you know next time your wife is 'venting' about something and she crosses over to making it about herself and how 'she caused it' agree with her - change the dynamics of the interaction - then smile and laugh at yourself out loud - you need to become really cheeky have an extremely dry sense of humour about the whole thing - tell her not agreeing with her doesn't seem to be working so you are going to try agreeing and if that doesn't work then you may just try sitting on the fence and just listening - be very cheeky about it it should promote a discussion of what exactly it is she is expecting from you when venting (and vice versa)
One thing I have noticed over the years you guys (Americans) have a tendency towards being serious - you say what you mean and mean what you say!!!! English and Aussies are the opposite they 'pull your leg' make a joke of it - have an it will be ok in the end attitude
if she were to say to me I needed therapy because I married my mother and got her as a business partner I would probably look really shocked and run around saying no no don't put that thought in my head next time I kiss you I will be thinking of kissing my mother yuk yuk and next time I see ...... (business partner) I won't be able to stop laughing for picturing him in my mothers clothes or at the very least her underwear
thing is - maybe you did marry her because she is like your mother in some ways - but fact is she is not your mother the other thing is our thoughts are very subjective so the things you may see in your w that may remind you of your mother are not exactly what she sees as reminding her of your mother - and even if you have talked to her about how you perceive your mother you perceptions are coloured by your experience and her perception of yours is coloured by her experience so 2 + 2 does not always make 4
I really do think you need to change the dynamics of your interactions slightly begin to think how do you normally react and move it to the left a lift and don't react quite the same as you normally do
find a brief solution focuses therapist look them up one the web look at what brief solution focused therapy is
they look at exceptions, they look at what goes right and when it goes right, what is happening when things are going right - how often things go right what is good about the relationship the focus is on positives not what is going wrong knowing what is wrong doesn't fix it looking at what is good and right gives you tools to fix the bits that are not good
you should be able to buy a book on solution focused therapy probably at Borders or one of the big book stores
look around there is info about BSFT on the following website [url=http://www.brieftherapysydney.com.au/btis/brief.html] Brief solution focused therapy website Sydney[/url]
