So this morning she's up first and a little cranky but trying to hide it. She says's "I just cant sleep here its to loud" There's a truck that's been coming by early and it is quite loud. We used to live way out in the country where there was no noise.
So we have coffee but things are a little quiet and I'm not yet sure why.
Then she tells me to leave her office so she can call our business partner back. Evidently he has called that morning and talked to her. In her opinion she said something that is going to cause problems. Quick run down on him, he's got napolean complex badly. He's a little guy with self esteem issues and I always think about the scene in Shrek where they look up and say "Do you think he's compensating for something"
He's also very negative but seemed like a very positive person when we went into business. I suspect he is bipolar.
So he's always buying really expensive and unneccessary equipment and always doing the opposite of my suggestions seemingly to prove himself.
We did not realize any of this about him before going into business.
My W is pretty sensitive to this. She hates that he doesn't listen to me. She says his problem is that he's trying to be smarter than me.
So this morning he's telling her how he thinks he is going to do a certain thing. Through years of experience we know what he is proposing is wrong. She says something very slight which let's him know that. It doesn't go well.
So she's trying to call him back to fix it. He's not answering.
She finally comes out and vents to me and she is very self blaming. Remember that she attributes many of the bad events in our life to her temper. Although her temper may have been a catalyst it didn't cause those situations.
So she says
"and you need therapy because you married someone just like your mother and then went into business with someone just like her too."
I'm realizing right now that I must shut down somewhat in these events because my memory of it is not good. I know I used to shut down hard but I must still do it to some extent. I can never remember what exactly was said.
But I do remember saying "I love my wife very much exactly the way she is"
Her reaction to that was not good because she was still in her state of rage.
She's was saying on her way out that she was very sorry because she knows I hate dealing with him (business partner) when he's on a downer and I have to deal with him like this today because of her.
So obviously her self esteem issues are popping up. She's blaming herself which is related to her self esteem issues. She feels she has to protect me and his not listening to me feels like an attack to her. She has always been very controlling. I'm wondering if that is coming into play and the fact that he won't do things our way is really affecting her because she wants to control. I realized it does affect me also.
We want him to succeed but he seems to be more concerned with his ego.
I see that she is playing out the drama triangle with him. I believe I am not.
OK BJ, I know your busy but I'd sure appreciate some help on this.
Xue
Let's just hope these are our old issues resurfacing because things are healing. The book says this happens.
