Ronnie my heart goes out to you for I know your pain. Right now is probably the worst you will feel throughout this whole ordeal. I remember not being able to eat, sleep, or even think clearly. What I can tell you from my experience is it does get better. Wesse is right that it seems to be the darkest just before the dawn. Hang in there for the dawn.
I think it is a good thing that in your state it will take your H at least one year to get a D. Make him wait it out. Don't help him in any way to achieve that goal if you don't want it. If he goes to an attorney tell your attorney to do whatever he or she can to stall. Lots can and will happen in a year. Your H may wake up or the OW may decide that visitation is not enough with her kids and go home.
One thing you need to understand is what your H is doing has nothing to do with you. You did not cause it or fail him in any way. This was his choice and is his journey. It is the things that are wrong with him that allowed him to behave this way.
One thing the others shared with me is that once the affair is known to the spouses it begins to lose its attraction for the spouse. Then the relationship between the two cheaters begins to rapidly fall apart. I was told just keep DBing and his other relationship will fall apart. And you know what it did. So come here with your pain, fear, and all the other stuff. We will be supportive and do all we can to help. Do not let others who have not been where we have been tell you how you should feel or what you should do. They really can not understand.
My prayers are with you tonight. Please take care of your self. You are a wonderful wife and mother and are fighting hard to do the right thing. That is something to be proud of.
[This message has been edited by Johnswife (edited 02-03-2000).]
