Well I have been thinking about your last posts BJ. Thanks so much.
Some things have happened which I feel are significant. It's been good. Things which really make me think about your statement "maybe she is trying to figure out how to make it right"
Something has happened in the last few days which has eliminated our financial stress. We have been working hard and slowly getting our heads above water from the crisis of the last few years. But we got really lucky (good kharmic buil up) and money is rolling in hand over fist and looks like it will continue to do so for a few more days at least. It's enough to get us out of our financial stress completely and get out of the trap. Woohooo!!!
The financial stress over the last few years because of the hard decisions we made has been terrible and constant. No relief. This is the first time we have some breathing room.
So one of those little conversations came up the other day when we were celebrating our new success. She said "yeah you really married your mother didn't you" This was in refference to my wife's former negativity and bitchiness. It was the one thing that has been so obvious. I have generations of negative controlling bitchy women behind me. But I had no idea she had put it together. We both laughed our asses off. Nothing more was said we giggled so much. So this is good, there is humor in those convos.
It's so strange how our outside lives parrallells our marriage. We have a former employee/student who has been going through some rough times. He's like a son. But he is basically right now a walk away son. He's done a few things to show he cares. He showed up and painted our bathroom as a gift to my wife the other day and has bought her gifts. But he keeps himself distant.
He is thinking about going to get lessons from another instructor because he can't face me. This instructor is a bad person and would ruin his training and his spirit., but would give him instant gratification. Can you see the parrallels?
So my wife and I have figured out what it is that got him to this place butthat doesn't fix it.
So she has decided to take it on herself knowing that he would not listen to me. This morning she has outlined her conversation she plans with him.
It's a lengthy conversation about how we protected him and made all kinds of parenting mistakes but no more. If he wants to be an adult then he shall be one and noone will protect him from the consequences of his mistakes. The choices are now his, but if he walks he can never come back.
She talked about making decisions about where he wants to go in life and not always reacting and making those decisions on the emotions of the day. She said she knows he loves us but just doesn't like us right now. Said he needs some time and space to make those decisions but those decisions are final if he decides to leave us.
Now I'm kinda losing my train of thought but the point is that what she was saying is exactly parralel to us and very aware. Whether she is conscious or unconscious of this I don't know.
A few other good things. We are planning on going out with another couple maybe tonight. In the past our Sex life was fantastic when we did this.
She has asked me if I could cover for her at work so she can take a few days off to visit with a friend. The point is that she asked. She has been very she'll do what she wants and doesn't have to answer to anyone for over a year now. This has been a source of problems. She can do whatever she wants I just want her to give me some input on it rather than just taking off at the last minute.
Mornings when we get up I now say "wanna come have coffee with me" and it is always a resounding yes. Before I just kinda lured her there. Now it is what we do.
So she's kinda said it's time to stop waffling I guess Hasn't told me which direction she is going but judging by the evidence at hand I'd say it's in my direction.
My wife is smarter and more aware of things than I have ever given her credit for. I do make sure to give her credit now.
Oh, she has talked a lot about not crossing the boundary of your own morals. How this is difficult but important in life and very defining. This has been a big point lately because of decisions we have had to make.
BTW- her ideals are, she is a conservative who values family values, hard work, and marriage.
