The last week has seemed a little wierd. Maybe like something is changing and we are both not sure how to act with each other. I guess if I had to pinpoint it I think that I spend some good quality time with her in the morning and evening but the rest of the time I do my own thing. I just worry about it a lot less I guess. Before I would go give her a kiss a few times a day. Now I don't. I give her a kiss goodnight and that's about it. But when I go to leave for somewhere she ussually gives me one. I realize that this helps so even when my emotions tell me to go kiss her I don't.
A few people from the distant past have shown up this week. Both of them good friends we haven't seen in a lot of years because of what we went through. Both of them said they were so happy we did what we did and made it. That was nice since most people considered it crazy. And we wondered ourselves. But we paved roads that now others are following.
So last night we went to Walmart for tires. It was going to take two hours so we wandered around. Ran into a friend from over 10 years ago who said he had been thinking a lot about coming to see us. He had obviously been pretty mentally damaged from our parrallel pasts. Had gone through some pretty bad years it sounds like.
So we wandered around and in going down an Isle I saw some interesting chairs and pulled them out into the isle. We sat in the isle of walmart in these really cool chairs for about an hour chatting and watching people go by. Then decided we could probably find even more comfortable chairs in the outdoor section. So we went there and made ourselves at home. We had a fantastic time. Laughing and joking and talking to people that came by. A lot of fun doing nothing.
On the way home she told me how much fun she had and this morning she told me again. She was in a great mood this morning and we sat around crackin each other up.
At five in the morning she told me to look out the window. There was a bright light in the sky. She had been telling me she was seeing this incredibly bright light in the sky that didn't move. We had joked a lot about aliens.
So this morning when I got up I looked it up and turns out Venus is really bright in the morning sky this month at that time.
So I told her that it was Venus. I said "Venus is rising, the goddess of love and beauty is strong now" (In my most seducttive voice) I got a positive response but can't remember what it was.
There have been a few "we" statements today. Future talk We.
So this morning she asked if I would go with her to her parents tommorrow for a family event. There was a hesitation in her voice as if she was nervous about asking. She then made excuses saying it wouldn't take long and such. I of course emphatically said I'd love to.
But this afternoon she left to go up the hill. Said she was feeling a little ADHD and wanted to go do some reading and get away from computers, phones and TV. I said "You can do whatever you want" which is something she would say to me with indifference but I said it with caring. She gave me a nice hug and a kiss as she told me. Gave me a couple kisses on the way out and took off.
So I'm thinking she's feeling a little confusion and needs to get away and think about it. But I think the confusion is her figuring out that she really loves my company and to be with me. Even though I didn't like her leaving for the day I think it is really good. It just feels like some big steps forward the last couple days.
Bj, your advice is so perfect. I printed it out and will work from it. It reminds me of my teacher. My teacher became a very gentle and wise old man. He had a glow in his eyes and the look of enlightenment. He had a saying which has taken on more meaning to me lately. It was simple and it's meaning has changed for me. He said "I'm a nice guy because I can be".
