Realizing now that the emotions of the last few days were just old stuff surfacing. I was reacting to stuff that was probably more imaginary than anything. I worked myself up and lost a nights sleep over it. I haven't done this in a long time. Don't feel slipped really, just old emotions bubbling up I think. Yesterday afternoon I felt the exhaustion of dumping a bunch of emotions. Felt good though. It's a strange thing.
Last night Miss negativity apperared again. Kind of expected since I was off dealing with people that made her angry. I deal with the situation in a positive manner and give people a chance. She lashes out. She does not forgive. I am over forgiving but have learned to deal with this. When I say anything positive about the person she is mad at she goes into a negativity rampage.
It got to me at first and I started thinking that she is just an incredibly negative person and not worth being with. Then I stepped back and realized that these tirades are few and far between lately. They are now the excepttion, they used to be the rule.
I've thought a lot about an R talk vs not. I've come to the conclusion that an R talk carries a great deal of risk and not much chance of success. I can hear the aggravation and defensive attitude in her voice when we barely touch on it. She is truly the most stubborn person I have ever met. She won't give up.
So I'm not going to fight the fight. I think that any perception of me working on things elicits the "smarter than her" defense. I think any R talks do the same.
In her separation letter there was a statement that said she was following her feelings. That I had convinced her so many times that her feelings were wrong and because I was smarter than her she listened and did what I said. But she felt bad about it. So I think that anything I do or say which seems like trying to fix things elicits this response.
So the answer is to GAL and to analyze myself and anything that I do that is pursuing or is percieved as pursuing I must completely stop. Occassionally she comes to me and I'll certainly "pursue" that. But I'll have to let that happen.
I'm far more detached now and far more able to do this. The goal for me is that everything I do, I do for me. If it is to manipulate it will be percieved as such.
