I'm not even sure if the independent woman thing is important anymore. It may just be a leftover from past thinking that is ready to dissolve.
She's great at room design and knows a little about Feng Shui. Lately people have been requesting her help in designing their office space. So I suggested she learn a little more Feng Shui and either start doing it professionally or just as a hobby. She likes it. She blew me off and said "yeah right after I get my real estate license so I can make some money". She was using me, I mine, phrases a lot which I hadn't heard in a long time. So I said,"that's great" and walke out. A couple minutes later she was in apologize mode. Hanging out with me, watching what I'm working on, making jokes.
So my brother calls for advice. He's having problems and I've turned into the guru on relationships. Not surprisingly he's having some very similiar issues to what I had. I talk to him for a bit and give him some help but he's not ready for all of it. It truly is a journey you have to take on your own. His SO is misinterpreting things he says as digs. When he's offering advice she takes it as telling her she can't do it right. Man that sounds familiar. On one side she's got self esteem problems, on the other he's a pompous ass.
When I mentioned that she had self esteem problems my W mentioned that he was a pompous ass. I very humbly said "well yes he is, but so was I at one time"
So W and I talk about it and the parrallels are obvious. We're obviously talking about our own R too. So finally it comes out. She very sarcastically asks "So what'd he call for to ask your advice on how to win her back?" I instinctively knew this was at the botom of things so although I was shocked and backed into a corner with the question, I was prepared. My answer: "No, he obviously has his own personal issues. I told him that it is very possible that the relationship may not be saveable. However if he runs from it he will eventually find himself back in the same spot with someone else. The only solution to improve his own life is to go through it with her. Walk through the looking glass and see what's on the other side. Then if the relationship fails it fails, But if it fails the next relationship will be rid of all of the problems and will be a great relationship."
I changed the subject to something nice, poured a glass of wine and gave her a kiss. We had a nice evening after that.
On the wall of my office I keep a qoute I printed out from BJ. It starts out with
"I already know the outcome want to know what it is?"
That thinking has been so important. In the beginning she was adamant that I did not change for her. I just told her that I did not, it was for me. It's my ride and if she wants to come along then that's great. If not then someone else will and she'll be missing out.
