Ronnie: I have not posted in awhile, and just happened to find yours tonight. Let me just say to you, I know how your heart is breaking and the awful, awful pain you are feeling right now. Tomorrow will be 8 months of separation for us, and you will recall I have been married for 32 years. I thought, like you, I could not take it any longer, and my world had ended. In fact, I nearly ended my world - am sure you read earlier threads from me. I no longer feel that way - how did I do it you asked? Because I hit the bottom - when you do that, either you stay there or you climb back out of the darkness. Ronnie, I know you love this man, or at the very least, the notion that you love him. In reality, we can't love anyone until we love ourselves first. You will have to ask yourself that question - how much do I just care about me? I had to let my husband go, big time. I know everyone tells us to do that, and your question is how? For me, and I know you have a faith from reading your posts, it was faith. This was something bigger than me - I could not handle it, and I had to turn it over to God. I did this by meeting with a parish priest who prayed with me - then with "baby steps" in talking to God. Now, every morning, before beginning my day, I have a private conversation with God - believe me, it helps. Secondly, I used therapy to the maximum. We have communicated about this before, and I encourage you to continue. I have journaled, read everything I could and can, exercised, taken classes (some worked, some didn't), taken Tai Chi, meditated, sought new friendships, cherished old friendships, and most of all - stopped feeling sorry for myself! If you haven't gotten Michele's tapes, I encourage you do this too! Listen and listen and listen - she has great things to say. This may not be what you want to hear, but the solution to ending your misery is with you. This is not about your H - and I know how you feel about him. This is about you - take this as an opportunity to shine - consider it as a "gift" - a time for you to become the person you deserve to be. I am not the same person I was 8 months ago, and I won't go into everything here. However, I will tell you that if this had not happened, I would have never have known the person I am today - Michele refers to it as the "butterfly" reaction. Oh, Ronnie, pick yourself up...dust yourself off...pull up your suspenders...look yourself in the eye, and go for it. Do it for you...not for your H. The more you buckle, the more you cry, the weakness you show, just drives our H's further away - it is only when we show our strength do they seem to notice again. I guess I have gotten through this with sheer guts, determination, faith, tears, solid friendships, therapy, God, and knowing I was not going to give up - that I, for me, was going to change, and do the opposite of what everyone thought I would do - that I was going to show them!!!! I know you can do this - I can tell by reading your post that you desperately want to make it - just do it - we are all here to support you - keep posting!
