that is a tough place to be. So often we short ourselves living because of fear to try to live. Listening to you reminds me of some similarities of how I feel inside. I am more then willing to try to fulfill his needs but have a very hard time speaking up for mine for fear of what I get for asking. We already know that creates more problems though.
She will have a breakthrough and "feel" again. its so hard to do it especially when you feel like you just dont know how. It seems so simple yet I know exactly what its like to stuff emotions and feelings away so long and keep them so locked up you dont know how to feel anymore when you want to. I was doing long before I met my H.
I guess I am afraid of wearing myself thin again. I get so worked up when I listen to all he says is the problem change to his specifications and there is something else. I do know what its like to be where your W is as far as not being able to get at the feelings and feel. I was there when at Betty Ford it was my final day of group therapy there when I had a kind of break through of emotions and I never "felt" so much. there was a lot of pain. I stayed "feeling" for quite some time but I recoiled back into that place of not feeling after months of my Hs verbal attacks that lasted hours daily. In marriage counseling so much came back and the flood gates were opend. For me it just seems like my "fears" keep coming true every time I take a chance. Seeing how your W is now could you imagine hypothetically her taking a chance and throwing her fear out and going for it ... to get the old you back? how many times do you think you could do that before it was over for sure for good.
I dont feel up to going another round with him right now. I am going to stay in this LR mode. he dosnt seem to happy with it, feels I dont care. but its better on me and I have to take care of me right now. I am still going to take a break on thinking about my relationship. I am getting places with my girls! they are responding very well. not fighting as much and getting a long better etc. Its just those times when I see my family be a "family" that get to me and I wish so much I could make it work. and theres the times where I seem him yelling at the girls and yelling at me and I know how destructive this is now.
however couples counseling might be good any how for comunications sake.
