Dr Irenes site? I went there and thought for abit. I thought if you start with the premise that either I or my W was an abuser and would always be an abuser then the site would give you the tools and the strength to move on. To stop the abuse.
If I asked myself the question what do I think the problem with my relationship is right now I would look backward and think about the neglect of my W. I would look backwards and see the pain of my W's leaving, I would look backward and see how we had each hurt one another in the past.... BUT this is not the problem!
The problem is that I now cannot express my needs for "fear" that I will get stepped on again. The problem is that my W was neglected soo long that she does not trust HERSELF enough to let me in.
Now I don't believe for a minute that I would ever neglect her in any way for the rest of our lives together. I believe on the surface she would agree. So the problem is not that I am a "neglector" the problem is that my W has been conditioned. She has packed her emotions up and put them in a safe place. She just can't get to them now and it frustrates her and at times she blames me for this.
So Sue, what about you, an MC might help I sure don't think it would hurt. Keep on doing what you are doing stay a little bit detached and examine all your possiblities.
