Chris, My H and I both seem to have similar walls, but in reverse from you and your wife. I am afraid of showing too much emotion because I am afraid that it 1) won't be reciprocated 2) will drive him away. He has told me he is scared to move back home (though he is still planning on it by the end of Feb.) because he is afraid of offering false hopes, and that we'll both fall back into our old ways. This stale mate is frustrating!! I feel like there isn't much more progress I can make until he DOES move back home, but I guess we can continue the maintenance-- the being friends.
I don't know how else we can move forward until we take the next plunge of him moving back in. I reassure him of my commitment to change through words and deeds. But then he'll say that he is afraid that HE won't be able to committ to the change. Well, I don't see how I have a lot of control over that.
But this is your thread... sorry for dumping on it. I can also empathize with how in the past you have relished a day or two of "freedom" from the spouse, but now when they are gone it is painful. I hate the nights that H doesn't come over. It drives me insane sometimes. I have a scheduled 24 day Outward BOund trip this summer to learn high altitude mountaineering. I have had this planned for a couple of years... and now while I am still going to go (with H's approval), I am concerned for the first time in my life about getting home sick!! Or more closely hubby sick..... This is nuts!
