You both sound like you are like on the way to being happy again... I too am there but I am a litte scared of my H words.... I know that whole sex but it being just that... I don't want that I want affection and I want to feel like we are forever... He says it and so do I.... But you know what I don't 100% trust that he means it and I guess that is why I don't trust that it is... Can you help me here and read my thread am I on my way to recovery and happiness with him forever..... Do I put my foot down and say enough is enough I want a kiss or a hug once and a while.... I too spent so much time on working on me and have a little ways to go but have come so far I don't want to let my guard down and get hurt again.... I guess I just need to know is this all normal...
It's like you're crusin' in a boat across a lake that is smooth like glass. Your progress with W seems like it is right on Q! Where are the bumps?
Just remember, baby steps, even in the intimacy department. Think back about 1-2 months ago, was there less hugging, kissing, hand holding, etc. than there is now? If so then, you've made progress, and you will continue to.
You are doing great Chris, keep up the good work!
Chelsea
p.s. I've never heard...How was the Holiday vacation?
[This message has been edited by Chelsea (edited 01-20-2000).]
Hi, hope all is going well. I read your post under my topic. I apologize again, for implying that you and W were going along so smoothly. Believe me I know how difficult this is.
But, you have a way about your posts. You come across with such confidence.
I too, am struggling with the intimate part of this relationship. I long for more, of course. I could go on and on, but I think you know.
The session started off OK but our therapist noticed that my W was not really there. She seemed off in another world. I talked for a bit and said what for me was some very powerful stuff. The therapist remarked to my W "did you here what he just said".
Eventually she did come back and we talked about how we both felt "stuck" each for our own reasons.
Hers.. Because she did not want to cause me any pain.. She was afraid to move forward as it may give me false hope
Mine... Because I basically felt I could show her no feeling because ultimately I did not feel that an expression of my feeling is accepted by her.
Of course this put us in a position of going round and round in circles.
After the session, later that night, I did see an improvement in my W's attitude. We hugged and kissed and talked for abit and things almost felt normal..
so you too have a circle... you say you are stuck because:
"Mine... Because I basically felt I could show her no feeling because ultimately I did not feel that an expression of my feeling is accepted by her."
you feel an expression of your feeling is not accepted by her... but is that really a reason to stop you? Why? Are you afraid of putting pressure on her? or Are you afraid of rejection and being hurt more? Couldnt you take a chance and start small expressing a little? or do you think that would further push her into being afraid of giving you false hope, there by shutting her off more. maybe some expressing might make her go forward just a little too. maybe making some baby steps together...
Im sure your therapist gave you the apropriate advice as to getting unstuck. these were just questions and thoughts that I felt when reading your post.
Keep hanging in there. The fact that you are in counciling has significance itself. I felt that in you last post you were a little down and rightfully so. You da man and you gotta keep be'n da man. (Don't you get sick of hearing that kind of stuff after a while? I know I do.) Just know that we all have a goal here and if we don't keep giving it our all, then we will be left with the old 'what if I had done this' situation. Gotta keep doing everthing you can and I know you are.
I don't belong in this forum.....my wife left me 27 days ago, and shows absolutely no signs of wanting to reconcile. I've been "hardening" myself, preparing for a long ordeal, telling myself, I don't really need her that much anyway. But I cried reading the posts here...to have my wife hug me, kiss me, talk about our relationship -- I cannot describe how wonderful that would be.
I think anybody posting on this forum, who is feeling sad or frustrated has simply forgotten how far they have come.
Thanks for providing me a vision of what might happen for me.
My W is away this weekend (left yesterday) to coach wrestling (I wrestled through colledge) with her high school team. It's the first nights she has been away from me since we have been back together... In the past (before our seperation) I would have been OK or even glad to have her away for a few days or a week... Now I realize I really miss her. Don't worry I do have a handle on it and the last thing I need to do is show her that I am needy.
Rich, your comment about wistful the other day really struck a cord with me. Last week our councillor said to me that she thought that I was in a lot of pain I wish I could have replied "no just wistful .
Sue, the paradox that I live is that my W looks to me for strength and courage. She expects me to be the tough one the "unfeeling" one. This is how I have lived my life up until the point that I realized what I was missing, up until we seperated due to my neglect of her. It's such a fine line to walk.
JohnK, I wonder if our W's realize the power they possess. Probably do, this is what causes them so much presssure sometimes.
Mike, I know your pain. Come here whenever you like...you do belong. Be selfish. Ask for help. There are lots of people here who have lived your nightmare and can offer support and advise.
.