Well this morning I think our councillor came close to zero-ing in on problem with us taking our relationship forward.
Over the past several years my W has built up several coping skills that have helped her deal with the "depressed" state that she had been it. Some of those skills and behaviors have now blocked her from letting go enough to let me in.
We have now began a path to try and reestablish intimacy through some techniques that she has given us. I believe this is a very positive step and within minutes my W felt relief and came to me for a hug and a kiss.
One thing that I found interesting that the councillor said was that most people in my situation would not be sitting there in her office after all this. She said that most men in particular do not have the determination and strenght to accept the turmoil that my W is going through.
After the session my W said that she was so proud of me for what I was doing.
Congratulations Chris. I am very proud of you too and glad that your W was able to tell you that she is proud of the way you have handled things.
We saw our councelor and had a good session last night. Our councelor has always said she was amazed at how well I was handling things and that most women with an H that wants to leave for OW would not have been able to do the Dbing that I was doing. My H has expressed surprise at my reaction to his EMA because he thought for sure I wouldn't even try to save the marriage but would be a raving outraged vindictive person. So Chris really appreciate that your W was able to verbalise to you that she appreciates all the work and sacrafices you have made.
I know with the help of our SBT therapist we are going to fine and I think you will be too.
I am finding there is still much work ahead of us to have the kind of marriage that I want. H seems to want to put our marriage first in his life and that helps alot.
Keep coming here and keep sharing your progress with me. We still have to keep up the PMA and the Patience. Those two things seem to be the key.
[This message has been edited by Johnswife (edited 01-11-2000).]
You are awesome!!! And I'm sure you feel it!!! (I'm going to do that funny "football touchdown" dance for you that I see some of the guys doing on Sundays) You deserve it!
You and W are making such excellent progress! She must be one special woman. Please, stay tuned to this topic and keep us informed!
Sue, I feel like dramatizing my thread just so you can stop be more often.
Rich, It's always good to here from you. You give very good advise and I feel a little guilty that I have been a little luckier than you (for now).
Rondo, Keep it cool, You will get there.
Chelsea, For you its all to new, it will take time for the newness and awkwardness to wear off. It will take time for both of you to feel comfortable enough to start fine tuning your marriage. I know you have the strength to do this and I believe once you start on the right path it you will be able to have your H "fall" back in love. It probably will surprise both of you.
dont you dare. I have all the drama I can handle in my own little life...
I drop by when that blue moon comes around and you post on your thread! You just dont seem to have questions or problems anymore... oh gosh that must be nice.
I have not posted much on my thread as I have been following and posting on others.
It has taken me now almost 8 months to disect and analyze just what had gone wrong with our marriage. I have become aware, awake and alive. There is no turning back.
I have realized and accepted that for me, how well my expressions of love are accepted and apprieciated determines my level of happiness. Maybe in is that I have a small cup and it does not need much filling or maybe I would just rather be trying to fill my W's cup.
Where are we now...
Together we are working at rebuilding our marriage. I think that we have identified what each of has done to destroy our previous marriage (I use the word figuratively) now we have to move forward.
I think that I have made great progress is discovering who I am and what is important to me. I have accepted that if my W had left it would be her choice and I could live with that. I do know also that I want to be with her for the rest of my life and that I choose. She has told me that she wants the same.
What we struggle with now is intimacy... I have long since seperated intimacy from sexual fulfillment although I believe that they certainly are mutually compatable. I believe the breakthrough will come when my W opens up to me and lets go of her fears of abandonment. Each day I slowly see a regaining of trust and this translates to slightly more personal converstaions and a closer connection...
You remind me of myself. I too tend to let the way my W feels towards me at any given time determine my level of happiness. When you finally discover that, Wow, kind of wierd huh. Anyway, keep up the great attitude and and keep yourself in that place you need to be. Moving forward has never been tougher.
