Thank you so much John. I'm trying to hold steady and not ask anything. He will visit tonight and I just feel so fragile. It's been 4 months, when he's there, it's my only time to get things done for myself but then also the only time I have to interact with him. I just want to know where things are going?? I don't know whether to detach and leave him to play with our son alone or to spend "happy" time with him. I try to balance it.
In your story, did you leave?? Who wanted out or was unhappy?
I try to keep a positive attitude but working part time and taking care of our son alone is tiring and lonely.
Thank you all for the nice things you have wrote. My situation is this: About four months ago my W told me that she was not in love with me anymore. This was stated on our 15th wedding aniversery and came right out of the blue. I had no idea what to think, where to go or what to do. She continued to tell me to move out of the home away from our two beautiful children and that she wanted to be on her own. We seperated and I was totally lost. Couldn't work, couldn't eat, couldn't do much of anything. I floated around for a while and tried to deal with it. I moved out for a while and that made it very tough. One day I was surfing the web and came across this site. THIS SITE HAS SAVED MY PEACE OF MIND, MY ATTITUDE TOWARDS PEOPLE AND MOST IMPORTANTLY MY MARRIAGE (HOPEFULLY). I say hopefully because I believe that I still have a lot of work to do. If I think for a minute that I have succeeded and things are good again then I will backslide and go right back to square one. I moved back home about three weeks ago and started by sleeping in my sons room (he has a bunk bed and we treated it like I was spending the night every night and having slumber parties with him. It was really a cool thing cause he and I have gotten closer from this). For the past weeks that I have lived back home, I showed my wife respect and patience. Never getting physical or emotional with her. That is what I feel is key to this whole thing. We must seperate ourselves from out spouces physically as well as emotionally. When I did this, we started to become friends. We started going out on dates, cooking dinner together, exercising together (running) and just enjoying time together again with each other. Things are good now. I am sleeping in my own bed at her request and seeing someone in her that I haven't seen for a while.
Sorry about going on like this but you asked!! Anyway, the things I have learned are due to THIS SITE. Michele has given me advice but the super people like yourselves have made this more of an enjoyable experience that it probably should have been. I realize that I am fortunate for the way things have been going but we need to remember one thing: If we don't take care of ourselves and our loved ones, we can't be of any use to anyone else in terms of a relationship. Please remember that as this is what has made the difference to me. If we get happy with ourselves then it's only a matter of time until our H's or W's see that and want that as well.
I pray for each of you everyday and am confident that wonderful things will come of this. Please hang in there and keep talking as you have.
Thank you so much John for the words of inspiration. This site too has kept me going through the rough times. I see very troubled waters ahead with no land in site.
My husband visited last night and our son had a terrible reaction to him. He's now 14 months old and had been napping. My H went to wake him up and the poor child flipped out. I truly believe he's so used to mommy being with him that my H (also named John) scared him, he's starting to view my H as someone who takes him away from mommy. The child screamed for more than an hour anytime my H came near him and I had to carry him around the house to calm him. My H kept saying it was no big deal, trying to say this would happen even if he were there at home. It made a tense evening.
Anyway, the reason I'm going on and on is that although there appeared to be a breakthrough, no progress is being made. I'm starting to detach and move on in a sense. I find myself treating him like a visitor, last night I didn't walk him to the door as I have in the past. He sometimes is too tired to visit our son and makes no overtures towards friendly activities or conversation with me unless I initiate it. I feel like I teeter on the edge of last resort.
Can you give me any pointers as to how to proceed?? I am happy with myself around him and have a loving relationship with our son. I think in some way he feels as if an outsider unless he has our son to himself. I resent bouncing this child back and forth but know it could become his future if I take a miss-step. Thank you-please keep up the encouragement. I'm currently under separated.
