Yeah - I think a lot of us keep coming back to that very place. It takes a lot of strength for me to keep myself grounded and keep that light shining on myself and not H. I'm not always up for it. I need to come up with a list of things that I can do when I get down in the hole. The climb to the top can be pretty treacherous.
but I know that he didn't look out of respect for me.
It could be. It also could be for other reasons like he did not want the kids to see him looking. That would have been me at one time.
I wanted to set a good example and was squeamish about anything sexual with kids present. Not looking because BB might see me looking? I would have looked and just acted surprised. She is a big girl and knows things like this happen.
More reasons but my crystal ball is down today.
How about asking him. If he did not see it happen, say he missed looking as some terrific surgery results.
This post is not meant to be about me, Just wanted you to know how one Male's mind used to work so you have more options. I am also not suggesting your H thinks like I used to think or act.
I can just about guarantee the reason. He knew it happened because the boys told him about it in specific terms and they kept saying "she still hasn't noticed". He has no fear of making sexual comment or innuendo in front of the boys (they are older and DD9 was at the other end of the pool). However, he kept his back to the lady and refocused attention on DD2 swimming. He doesn't really care for the overdone, trophy wife kind of woman anyway so he was probably more repulsed than intrigued. Anyway, it is this kind of thing that makes me appreciate his loyalty.
Today is our anniversary but we aren't really celebrating it until June 10 which is our first open, weekend day to do something alone. H will interpret that literally and I probably won't get any kind of remembrance today. Tonight we will eat leftovers, go to a community assoc. meeting, a meeting for incoming freshmen at the high school and fall, exhausted into bed like we do every night. I'm ok about that. It just happens to be how things shook out.
I gave H a nice annivesary card this am. Not too sappy just a couple of simple statements and an I love you. I had a tough time this year because I didn't want to buy cards that expressed the wrong sentiments or things that weren't true about us. Some of the cards were a little too "You are my everything, my reason for being etc..." (we have very full lives and this just sounded silly) or then there were the "You are always so loving, supportive, perfect in every way" cards and I couldn't do that because he knows that I feel his distance and don't always think that. So...it was a challenge and the card said something like "I love the memories of our yesterdays, the joy of our todays and look forward to our tommorrows."
My proofs will probably be ready today. I'm looking forward to seeing how the photos came out. I will have the photos in time for our date June 10. I'll let you all know how they are.
Happy anniversary, karen! I know how hard it can be picking out anniversary cards (and birthday, and ugh, Valentine's Day cards) for someone with whom you're struggling.
As for the boob shot, some comedian said, "after you've seen one woman's breasts...you pretty much want to see them all." If he wasn't looking, I give him the blue ribbon for self restraint.
Ahhhh... the card thing... My best girlfriend (also a 4) and I talk about this... you stand there in front of the cards and try to find one that captures the complicated position you find yourself in. You don't want to say too little, and you don't want to say too much. You want some distance, but not so much that it alarms him. You want the card to honestly reflect where you stand right now.
For my late H, I used to buy the "You are my everything cards," but for my bf... no, can't do it. Sometimes I resort to one that's sweet but funny. For Valentine's Day this year, I got him one that was perfect. It was a sweet cartoon of a bear couple in different life situations and the sentiment was sort of like, "You've seen me dressed up, messy, energetic, tired, mad, sad, glad (but in a cute rhyme), but (the punch line) you've never seen me when I didn't love you." It had the perfect affectionate, sassy, yet "knowing" honest tone.
I remember many years ago (1978), I knew my then-bf's and my R was on the rocks when we exchanged Valentine's cards that were generic New Age-y "we passed each other on the Road of Life" cards. It was pretty clear that indifference was taking over....
Well I can tell ya - I looked and they were spectacular. I may need to look into buying some myself. H has incredible self restraint about things that he chooses to.
Lil,
Glad to know you got me on the card issue. It isn't easy. I wish it were. I think I knew my last M was over when I spent too much time buying the "I'm sorry we're having trouble" or "Let's not fight anymore" variety. That just spoke volumes.
Menfolk,
Just so you know...the card is VERY important in woman speak. It is more important than the present for many of us. My H inadvertantly bought me the exact same card for a birthday and Mother's Day one year. The verse was the same but one said Happy Mothers Day and one said Happy Birthday. The picture was different. I never told him.
Happy anniversary to you. Although you won't be celebrating much today, just remember that timing is an arbitrary thing. It doesn't really matter if you celebrate at a particular time, what truly matters is that you do set aside time to celebrate.
Egészségedre (Hungarian "cheers" or "to your health").
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I agree that the card is very important, but I wonder if it is only important to 4's? I can just hear Mojo chiming in with, "He11, I don't care about the card, what I want for my anniversary is a good fcuk!" I mean 4's want that, too, but only if it is accompanied by a great card! NOT.
For my birthday last year, my bf got me a "friend" card. It had a long poem on it and he thought (or pretended he thought) it was the perfect card for me. The word "love" did not appear at all. It was the kind of card you would give a same sex friend or possibly even a work colleague.
However, he made up for it on Valentine's Day where he gave me the best v-card I have EVER gotten from anyone. I struck just the right note of how our R was/is life-changing to him without going into the "you are my everything" zone. It was perfect.
NOT.