H was on his way home from his business trip yesterday and called me to talk for a while. It seems that he has a feeling that he can only describe as "feeling fragile." On top of that he tried to make himself feel better by doing things for others on Saturday (like buying clothes for DS14) and feels that his efforts were wasted when they didn't turn out just perfect. He says he feels that the word fragile isn't exactly manly but that it is as close as he can get to describing how he feels.
I told him that I really wasn't meaning to sound obtuse but why did he feel that way. He said that he really didn't know. He said he wasn't sure if he was depressed, if there was something in particular bothering him or what. I asked him about the St. Johns Wort but he wants to ask his doctor since he takes two other medications - Meridia and one for his cholesterol. It didn't really seem that I could do anything to help. We ended the conversation when we both got close to our destination but really didn't have any solutions.
We didn't talk more that night because we really didn't have any time together. I had arranged the photos that I had talked about getting a while back. I had them taken for our anniversary which is next week. I hope they turn out well. I went to a "Glamour Shots" kind of place where they do the hair and makeup and all and I wore the lipstick red dress I recently purchased for a fancy wedding we were supposed to attend. I hope the pics turn out well and I hope he likes them. The dress shows a lot of cleavage (what little I have) and the photos are pretty sexy so I'm actually wondering if they are a little passive aggressive. They should be ready next week. I think I will let H view the proofs and pick out what he likes. Of course, halfway through the photo shoot H calls and says, "Where are you? Are you ever coming home?" I had told him that I was going shopping for an anniversary present so he kind of knew what was happening but not really.
Right now I am actually feeling a little creepy about my sexuality. My H, in his fragile state is not someone I feel free to lust after. The fact that he hasn't touched me for two weeks makes me feel less than attractive and that makes me feel less interested too. My boss, who I've already described as an "office shark" has picked up on my feelings of despair and keeps referencing how "lucky" my husband is to have a "wife who is smart, beautiful and sexy." Ick. Ick. Ick. What kind of person am I that I can't attract the man who supposedly loves me and I attract sleaze of this kind?
