You raise some very good points here. The relationship does lack a significant amount of value to the extent that physical affection isn't more free flowing. And I can't farm out all of the things I need from that kind of interaction. What will I do about that lack of value? How or in what way will I communicate my wants/desires other than initiation or the "dreaded R talk?" I don't know. I am kind of pulling back and regrouping at this time. When I decide that I am finished the mental break I am taking I am considering not making any physical moves whatsoever but merely asking every time I have the urge for physicality. It would be stilted. It would be weird but I wonder what would happen if my day with H went like this:
Good morning H. Would you come over here and give me a hug and kiss please? Thanks, that was nice.
Back from work now - Hey, H. How was your day? How about a repeat of that hug and kiss? Thanks. How about a longer, wetter version? No? Ok - maybe later.
Making dinner - Hey H, mind if I give you a pat on your cute backside? Great!
Watching tv - Hey H would you mind if I put my hand here on your thigh? If it wouldn't be too much trouble if you could carress me back? Thanks that feels good.
Going to bed - Would you like to have sex? No? Ok. Another time then.
*** H's hypothetical responses here are based on his usual amount of acceptance of physical touch. That would be typical.
How would that feel to me? Like crap. How would it feel to H? Like pressure but my point would definately be made if at regular intervals I request the kind of attention I would like. Then the dreaded R talk wouldn't need to ensue and his negative compared to positive responses about physical attention would be exposed in a way that they aren't when I simply move in for a kiss, a hug, a pat, sex etc.... Then maybe he would have to acknowledge his lack of participation and quit blaming it on everything else.
