Eventually I won't be able to continue being quiet and non-invasive of H's space but right now I feel that it is essential for my wellbeing.
I'm not even going that route - mindreading my H has gotten me in trouble in the past.
If poor communication is one of the biggest problems in your M (and all the associated problems that come from making assumptions), then is withdrawing to a quiet, non-invasive mode the best approach? Although you say you need this for your well being, isn’t that part of the problem? When each of you retreat back to your comfort zone in order to protect your well-being, aren’t you stopping, and possibly backsliding any progress? Isn’t your most productive position out there where it is uncomfortable and scary, isn’t that what is truly essential for your well-being? ___________________________________________________________
Cobra - I don't think we have made much progress. My being quiet isn't the same as going back into my comfort zone. It is the opposite of comfortable for me to refrain from touching H, to refrain from mentioning sex, to refrain from reaching out to him. In fact, it becomes so uncomfortable over time that I reach the point usually to where I HAVE to - ask H about it, try to seduce him, pat him/pet him/touch him etc... Then, he knows that the pressure is on. I want to avoid that loop.
What I am trying to do right now is to allow myself the freedom to feel that my desire is good, that it is independent of H and is pure and that I am good and sexy and ok whether or not he gives a rats @ss. In order to get there I cannot allow myself to be controlled by H doling out sex and affection by whatever minute little measures make him think he's "giving in and giving her what she wants."
I was beyond flabberghasted when H accused me of only wanting him for sex and not caring if we talked or were otherwise intimate. Made me want to hit him. It was such a fused interaction. I need to disengage and disinvest or I probably will hit him. LOL
I haven't just given up ya'll/you all/yous guys. I left H a card this am that talks about our relationship as a movie and suggests that we "rewrite the script." He was touched enough that he actually said thank you for the card and that I must have spent hours looking for just the right wording. Usually he doesn't even acknowledge that kind of gesture.
