Sorry I missed your post earlier. These people actually expect me to work for my money. The nerve! I appreciate your thoughts about the "escape hatch" and I agree. H uses the fact that we have no plans to D (for relgious reasons) to proceed to do nothing. However, I have lived the life of a miserable M before and a D and there will never be a time that I will use our committment as an excuse to do nothing. However, I am resentful and I am beginning to feel that maybe it is time to take H at his word. Not his word so much maybe as his behavior. His words say that he cares about our M "reduce stress, say no to others more often, talk more, blah..blah...blah." His every day choices and behaviors tell a different story. The story they tell is that he wants us to stay disconnected, that he prefers to have sex on an irregular basis, that affection is not a priority, that I am not a priority. So...maybe it is time to give him what he is asking for - to stay M but be left alone. I don't deny that he could make the decision to D and if he does - it is all him. However, we promised to get counseling if either of us were going that direction so I would hope he would review that plan if he were thinking that way. His mantra is, "you just don't seem to understand that I can be really mad at you and still love you." My question - "love me like what? like a distant relative who you grit your teeth and invite to Christmas dinner?"
Brian,
Thanks. Your thoughts are much appreciated. My H is pulling it together again. He will probably have it together shortly and won't show Mr. Hyde again for a long while. Maybe he will get help. Let't hope so.
Mojo,
Yeah - I think the thing that would make H take notice would be if I just started going out evenings and leaving him with all the kids. It could be a class or the grocery store not necessarily a bar. Then he might notice that he's missing me a bit and that he needs help. I'm actually considering doing a modified version of that. I am considering starting to work out really hard, plan more activities with the kids and simply make myself as scarce as possible.
