Ok...your H has admitted to you that basically he feels out of control and that he doesn't know what to do. Would he be willing to go talk to a Psychiatrist?
You might try approaching him with the premise, that he needs to talk to someone where he's in a "safe" environment....where he can say absolutely anything he wants/needs to without feeling like there are going to be reprocussions from you for it.
It's very possible that if you can get him to agree to go...the Dr. will recognize the symptoms of depression in your H (if he is truly depressed or whatever) diagnose him fairly quickly and give him some appropriate treatment to help get his behavior under control.
